last night after work, i was using a public restroom. goddamn, it was filthy. wadded up toilet paper was thrown about, puddles of miscellaneous liquids everywhere, and no soap to speak of. anyways, i was standing at the urinal finishing my business when i looked at the restroom floor. there was someone's footprint on the floor. i'm not talking about a shoeprint, i mean a print of someone's bare foot. some poor soul made the conscious decision to walk into that god-forsaken fuckhole of a bathroom stepping in whatever liquids were on the floor. jesus christ. if i walked into that bathroom barefoot, i would have to cut off both feet, throw them in a steel drum, and set them on fire just to make sure i didn't contract any piss-born diseases.
i'm sure that the ladies' room has none of the aforementioned problems. ladies, you have it made when it comes to public restrooms. you get a bathroom whose facilities are angled away from the doorway. you have decor, a word i've never had the chance to use until now. hell, i've heard rumors of furniture.
unrelated note: i propose a bill to prevent any female celebrity socialite who resides in california between the ages of 16 and 29 from getting a driver's license. put simply, all they do is drive drunk. they can't stop. they can't. it's impossible. they can be arrested and go to millionaire rehab as many times as the want. it's still not going to change the fact that they need to fill a festering gap in their life with cars complimented with captain morgan. they have no self-control. none whatsoever. it's pathetic and dangerous for any poor soul unfortunate enough to cross paths with them. therefore, for the sake of the innocent public, their licenses need to be revoked. in fact, we need to go further. we need to inject an electrode into the back of their necks that shocks them every time they come within 10 feet of a steering wheel. we must stop them now before it's too late.
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