CURSE YOU WBLI!!! look at what you you did to my former coworker. yes, FORMER coworker. he was fired. look at at you drove him to. first you castrated and emasculated him, then you cause him to be derelict with his work. you evil sons of bitches.
while we're at it, STOP PLAYING EVERY SINGLE SINGER 3 TIMES AN HOUR!!! be fucking creative. play some tupac or something. i haven't heard "california love" in a long fucking time, so play that. and now, chapter 4 of "laser hair removal and you". BLI, your latest laser hair removal commercial is insulting. if the bitch saying it on air had half a brain, she'd leave that job immediately solely based on the shit coming out of her mouth when she reads those commercials. your latest one is about women getting laser hair removal for their boyfriends for valentine's day. that is fucking insulting. that is the equivalent of a man getting his gf/wife a treadmill or a gym membership for valentine's day. i would not want to be with a woman that fucking superficial. "happy valentine's day, honey. let's burn those fuckers out of your nipples." i will tell you this: if a man, despite all logic and reasoning, decides to get laser hair removal on his chest, it is not going to be because his girlfriend tells him so. it is going to be because his boyfriend tells him so.
i wrote this next part sitting at a machine at work that essentially is a mechanical arm with probes on the end (are we turned on yet? good) taking measurements of one of our products. i am bored out of my fucking mind. i'll type this into my rant later. i'm doing this because my supervisor wants to train me to take up the slack from the guy who was fired. the reason i'm bored is because this thing takes a fuck of a long time to finish its measurement cycle, so i'm writing this. hmmm, maybe the boredom is why he stopped coming to work, leading to his being fired. good thing i thought of writing this in order to keep my head wrapped around something while this fuckign mechanical arm is working
i've started noticing that i'm getting slightly better at making witty remarks. for example, my brother asked me recently if he could show me something that would either anger me or that i would find fascinating. i replied, "james, i don't want to see your penis." as it turns out, he wanted to show me a heavy metal music video about star wars: a new hope. i found it cool. then james showed me his penis.
today is the blue point cask ale festival. i'm dragging james and his waning penis along. the festival has everything that i need when i'm drinking: variety, music, and yelling. 11 or so breweries, plus home brewers, will be there. i love drinking beer i've never had before. live music is always fun, especially when it's me performing. since it's not me performing at the cask fest, i'll have to make due. i'm not complaining much because when i drink, i like to sing. also, to be, being a bass, my voice seems to get higher when i drink. (disclaimer: this is not proven true. it could just be all in my head) so, since i think my voice is higher, i lose my singing inhibitions and go all out. as a result, i think i'm an amazing singer when i drink. on the opposite side of the coin, being sober, like i am now, i think i'd get kicked out of any american idol audition.
side note drinking tidbit about me. i guage how much i drink be 2 features: how much i tend to lean side to side when i'm standing up and my ability to do math.
where was i? oh yeah, next is yelling. since there will be live music and hundreds of people, i'm gonna have to speak loudly throughout most of the cask fest. the drinking i'll be doing will give the added effect that since everything i saw is loud, everything i say is pure fucking genius. who doesn't love feeling that way?
guantanamo bay. i don't give a shit if they close it or not. i just don't like the idea of being in prison for 7 years without a lawyer or trial, no matter who it is. they can keep the prison open for all i care, just get the fuckers out of there and process them. plus, i have a solution to excessive interrogation techniques. instead of waterboarding or piling up naked muslims in a pyramid, just play a backstreet boys CD nonstop. don't boom the music out, just leave it on medium. that way, during the night, it's the perfect volume. they will memorize the words subliminally, even if they don't understand the language. i promise that 7 years of backstreet boys nonstop will churn out more information from these prisoners than any amount of waterboarding.
let me end by saying that bill o'reilly can suck my dick with strawberry lip gloss.
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