Today's rant: international travel

Last year, I had the opportunity to travel to South Korea for business.  My initial feeling was "Ooh!  I get to catch Farfetch'd on Pokemon Go!  Fuck yeah!"  For those who do not play or have stopped playing, there are certain Pokemon that are specific to a geographical region.  Farfetch'd is exclusive to Japan and South Korea.  So, about a week and a half into my trip, I'm taking a piss in a men's room, and *poof* there he is!  That may have been the most productive thing I did on that trip.

Have you ever flown to Asia from North America?  In coach?  Wow.  Fuck.  Imagine being pressed against a wall sitting in a wheelchair that isn't made for you for 14 hours unable to move your hips or shoulders.  I wasn't able to sleep the entire time.  I was a zombie for 3 days afterward.  Because of the curvature of the Earth and the direction of the wind gusts, the fastest way to get to South Korea was to go up and around Alaska.  The screens in the headboard in front of every seat were able to show the temperature outside.  Fucking -75 Fahrenheit.  Above all, I didn't realize until right before the flight that we were flying in the opposite direction as the Earth's rotation.  Do you know what that means?  THE SUN WOULD NEVER SET!  Sun in the day, sun in the night, no sleep!  For the return trip, I seriously considered paying the extra $1500 upgrade fee to get a first class seat with one of those chairs that folds backwards into a cot.  They call it a bed, but if it as wide as a toddler bed but long enough for an adult, I'm calling it a cot.

I like some Korean food.  The barbecue is really good.  Korean barbecue is not like American barbecue.  One person on our trip did not know that before we went out to lunch.  A lot of us ordered a barbecue beef entree.  She stared at it for about five minutes before trying to pick out the beef.  Come on.  Bean sprouts are not that bad.  They're in egg rolls.  And seriously, did you really think that it would be same thing as, say, brisket?  Of everything I had there, I'd recommend the Korean barbecue to my family because I think it will freak them out the least.  I also had bibimbap.  I liked that too.  The 3 times I had it, it was with beef, egg, and spicy octopus.  Wow, do they like spicy food.  Also liked bulgogi, which is a thinly sliced marinated beef.

Korean breakfast is not like breakfast in the western hemisphere.  They tend to eat the same food every meal of the day, including kimchi.  Kimchi is a brined vegetable, usually cabbage, that comes as a side dish for every meal.  Every meal.  Since I was raised in the US, I never considered cabbage swimming in vinegar as part of a balanced breakfast.  Was never exposed to it.  After 2 weeks, I'm sad to say I lost my taste for it.

One weekend, I found a Domino's and ordered a pizza.  Dollar for dollar, it was a little more expensive than back in the states, but I didn't care.  You know what they serve as a side for the pizza?  Pickles.  When I brought it up, some of the Koreans said "What?  You don't get pickles with your pizza?"  You should look up some of the different pizza topping combos available in Korea.  The only ones I recognize is cheese and pepperoni.

Today's rant: my rules to live by

1. Always ask "Why?"

2. Tip before coupon.

3. If taking a shit takes t minutes, flush at intervals of t/2 or t/3.

4. 24-hour cable news networks are lying to you.  Don't listen.

5. If a college or church has to advertise, don't go there.

6. Be nice to people you work with. Eventually, you'll have to ask them for something.

7. If you can't afford it, don't buy it.

8. Shout profanity.

9. It isn't worth fighting over a parking space. Just take the space, give the middle finger, and go into the store.

10. Bad shit happens to everybody, regardless of good behavior.  However, this is not an excuse for bad behavior.
11. When traveling long distances, wash your hands at every stop.
12.  If you are involved in a live show, don't eat Taco Bell within a 24-hour time period before a performance.
13.  Say "thank you" for small things.
14.  Pick the radio contests you try to win carefully.  There is at least a 1 month waiting period before you can win the next prize.

today's rant: school shootings

I'd just like to say, in the wake of another mass shooting at an American school, to not expect this kind of bullshit to go away any time soon.  So long as there are sniveling little white dipshits stupid enough to fail to move on from school life, this is going to be more and more commonplace on an exponential level.  Nobody could stop this shit 20 years ago, and nobody can stop this shit now.  No matter how many gun laws enacted (or not, depending on the majority political party), no matter how much meaningless social media uproar, no matter the efforts to remove the stigma of mental health so that people can be helped easier, there are going to be more and more highly publicized and elaborate mass shootings in American public schools.  The reason is simple:  leading up to said massacre, sniveling little white dipshits don't give a flying fuck about anything except doing the most damage possible before they are either caught, killed, or kill themselves.

The average American has no idea how to counter that.  I have no idea how to counter that.  I think the reason why we as a people are ill-equipped to deal with this kinda thing is because we have not taken a timeout to talk it over.  We're too fat, happy, and prosperous to bother with it.  We're so focused on Kardashians or female-only Doritos or Despacitos or whatever the fuck is going on in pop culture.  Personally, I think it's a miracle that we're even talking about sexual harassment on a national level.  It's a godsend!  However, back on school shootings, I promise that the conversation that needs to take place is not going to happen any time soon, but I do have an idea of what could stimulate the conversation.  It may be eventual, but it's not going to be easy or pleasant.  In my opinion, a sitting federal politician will have a family member killed in a mass school shooting before any real action is done to stop it.  Sad, isn't it?  I don't like it, and I wish there would be a mass renaissance of the sniveling little white dipshit human spirit before that happens, but since the pace of progress has the blistering speed of my brother's pet desert tortoise, a good kick in the balls in Washington D.C. would garner some attention, don't'cha think?  I wish I had a better answer.  I really do.  But if Gabrielle Giffords, the Arizona Congresswoman, could get her face blown off 7 years ago and we are still no closer to solving the problem, then what the fuck?  Having a sitting politician getting shot didn't change a thing.  The next logical step is their families.

I don't own a gun.  However, it is my firm opinion that every American has the right to have a gun in their house found by a child and accidentally have their brains blown to kingdom come.  They have that right.  I have that right, but I willingly choose not to exercise it.  Anyhow, the point is that I am not an expert of firearms, nor the culture or politics behind them.  I AM an expert of bullshit.  And trust me, the whole "gun control" vs "mental health" dick-tug of war between the democrats and the republicans is one heaping bowl of steaming bullshit.  For all the talk, hardly anything gets done.  So in the end, the argument is pointless.  If they really gave a flying fuck, they'd put their shriveled up dicks back in their overpriced pants and figure something out.

Has anyone ever used a firearm inside the Capitol building?  Maybe in the 19th century to settle a duel or something.

Off-topic, but it bears mentioning:  I say let teenagers eat laundry detergent pods if they want.  Worst case scenario:  it cleans the gene pool.