Have you
ever been told not to speak ill of the dead?
Well guess what? I
whole-heartedly disagree. That is the
perfect time to speak ill of anybody.
Want to know why? Because they’re
dead. They can’t do anything about
it. They’re not going to rise up, push
up the lid of whatever box they got shoved in, which by the way is covered by a
couple thousand pounds of dirt and rock, and tap you on the shoulder while you
are staring at the girl at the other end of the bar and say “Excuse me, but
that offended me.” And if the dead
person was cremated, it’s even less likely that someone would get a hundred and
fifty pounds of epoxy, mix it with the powdered remains of the decedent, fit it
into a mold that vaguely resembles the dead fuck, let the epoxy cure, then let
the dead guy waltz into Sunday mass at the point where the priest is saying
“peace” 5 times in rapid succession before everyone shakes hands and then
shakes hands with YOU and whispers “I didn’t appreciate that.” It just ain’t gonna happen. Some people are fucking stupid.
I think my
new job uses their sprinklers a little too much every night. Every morning, as I am walking on the
sidewalk towards my entrance, I see that the concrete is littered with the
dried corpses of dozens of earthworms.
It looks like the aftermath of the firebombing of District 12 in Mockingjay,
except a lot smaller and no smoldering buildings.
I won’t say
I am addicted to coffee, but a cup in the morning certainly helps jump-start my
brain. At most, I’ll have two mugs in a
day. The Keurig at work dispenses up to
10 fl oz at time, so if I have that twice, that’s 20 fl oz, or 2 and a half
cups in a day. Having coffee twice does
not happen often at work for me. Always
at least 1, though. When it comes to caffeine
consumption, I read online that you can have the equivalent of 4 cups of coffee
per day and be OK. The reason I read
that is because this time last year, some teenager in SC died of a caffeine
overdose. In the 2 hours preceding his
death, he consumed diet Mountain Dew (either a large fountain drink or a
bottle, conflicting accounts), a latte, and an energy drink. Don’t forget all the extra shit they put in
energy drinks. This caused irregular
heartbeat, or arrhythmia, and he dropped dead in the middle of class. Isn’t chemistry interesting?
I’m trying
to pay more attention to euphemisms and just how absurd they can get.
The primary purpose of euphemisms is to
obscure reality by distorting the language used to describe something.
Three weeks ago, there was a fire and explosion
at a car parts factory in Michigan.
The
fire caused a shutdown in production that is affecting other car factories in
the country.
The most publicized right
now is that Ford can’t make the F-150.
Anyhow, according to the
Lansing
State Journal, the employee hotline of the Michigan company where the fire
was referred to the fire and explosions as a “
thermal event.”
Wow!
What a set of balls.
If I was one of the 2 people injured at that
factory, I would have a hard time corresponding with a
health
insurance agent about approving my insurance claim if I was forced to say that
my injuries were the result of a “thermal event.”
To me, a series of days of 95
°+
weather is a “thermal event”, like a heatwave.
Explosions are explosions, but the company doesn’t want to call them
that.
It looks bad when liabilities
start piling up.
