for reasons that still escape me, most of my rant page views continue to come from ukraine. if anyone who lives there can explain that to me, i would greatly appreciate that. by the way, when i say "most of my page views", i mean that i got 10 page views from there in the past 2 weeks. hardly anybody reads my shit.
15 years later, and boy bands are starting to make a comeback. this time, they are all from the UK. personally, i do not really have a problem with that. why? because i do not mind prepubescent girls channeling their hormones at something they will never, ever get their hands on. sure as fuck beats channeling all that energy onto a living, breathing prepubescent male. everyone knows that's how cooties are spread. i am only saying this as a parent. for the young boys who have to deal with girls listening to these groups, they gotta be thinking "those fucking faggots!" because of all the tail they are missing out on.
i've mentioned this before in a previous rant, but it bears repeating. when i was in high school, there was a clique of popular girls who used to pass around "the story". "the story" was a notebook detailing the fictionalized adventures of nsync and those girls. every day, the pages would continue to fill. i wonder what their boyfriends thought about it. i do not have any account of the specifics of what they wrote. back then, i had abso-fucking-lutely no idea what when through a 17-year-old girls head. still don't. i guess i will find out in 15 years.
i would respect these groups as musicians if the recording producers bothered to make the song sound like there were more than only two voices present. at least backstreet would occasionally let kevin richardson sing a couple of bars by himself. and the only time i was ever able to discern lance bass' voice from the rest of an nsync song was when they sang a cappella or when they did a 5-part breakdown like "i-i-i-i-i i want you back" or "it's gonna-gonna-gonna-gonna-gonna..." you get my drift. and yes, it is fucked up for a 30-year-old father of two to describe the semantics of all-male harmonies of boy bands. it comes with the territory of being a former a cappella group member. the point is that if there are five voices, i should be able to hear five voices. it is the same reason why destiny's child never worked with 4 members and why the pussycat dolls did not work at all. might as well call them "the beyonce lift-off point with special guest kelly rowland" and "the nicole scherzinger show".
continuing my iHateRadio campaign, i was listening to clear channel's new york poster boy, elvis durran, this morning on a syndicated program that reaches all the way to SC with shakira counting down the top 20 iHeartRadio songs of the week while driving to weight watchers this morning. let's make one thing clear: iHeartRadio is nothing but a front for the (symbolically) drug dealers knows as clear channel broadcasting, who do nothing except force-feed our innocent ears with they music that they think we should be listening to in order for them to sell more records, buy their advertisers products, pay for tickets to their concerts, and watch their award shows. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?! THEY MADE UP THEIR OWN AWARD SHOW! WHAT THE FUCK?! THEY ARE GIVING OUT AWARDS TO MUSICIANS THAT THEY ARE FORCING US TO LISTEN TO! "oh, this was the most listened to musician all year." NO FUCKING SHIT! YOU PLAYED THEM THE MOST, YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKERS! ...anyhow, the following thought occurred to me as they were counting down: if your top 20 favorite songs are the same as the songs on this list, kill yourself. you're better off listening to st. peter detail every time you masturbated.
