Here is what I learned in 2018:
- Human Resources sucks donkey balls.
- I found out what a pride parade is like since I had never been to one before this year.
- I will never, ever be able to save money for a decent vacation. Some new expense always pops up.
- I lock my keys in my waaaaay too much. It has happened 2 or 3 times in the past year and a half. Good thing I have AAA. My problem is that I lock my door before closing it. I have been training myself to lock it with my key button after I close the door. That way I have the key with me.
- Israel will not approve a passport that is within 6 months of expiration. I had to cough up $110 to renew my passport early. Don't worry, Israel. I only want to visit. I don't want to stay there forever. You guys can fight over the area to your hearts' content.
I have reaffirmed that my sister-in-law, bless her heart, has verrrrrrry bad taste in men. She is book smart and has a Master's degree, but they do not teach street smarts in graduate school. She has had bad relationships with fucking dumbasses since I met her. She is lining up a Mount Rushmore of bad relationships. There was Dumbo who fucked up my back deck when I still lived in NY. There's her junkie baby-daddy Leland Garrett who fucked up her house by stuffing garbage under her couch and cheated on her while she was on a business trip while their daughter was in the house. Leland Garrett once snuck out of in the middle of the night after Thanksgiving dinner to go buy drugs. He was caught by my father-in-law. That was a bad one. This year, she married a guy who worked at a Domino's. Mr. Robert Turner from Rome, GA. When we found out she was dating a person working at his father's Domino's, my wife asked her on speaker phone "Why would you date that pizza shit?!" It's probably the funniest thing my wife has ever said. It was made even funnier when we found out that he was listening on my sister-in-law's speaker phone. That pretty much set the tone for our relationship with him for the following year. Robert Turner from Rome, GA. I met him around Christmas time 2017. He tried to be excited and connect with me waaaay too hard about Star Wars. We were nice to him and took out to see The Last Jedi. The fucker fell asleep halfway through. Look, if you are going to have an opinion on The Last Jedi, like it or hate it, at least stay awake. "Star Wars fan" my clean-shaven ass crack.
Robert Turner from Rome, GA has a butthole dimple on his chin.
In February, my sister-in-law scratched the itch we were afraid she'd scratch and married the guy in a wedding chapel in upstate GA. Devil's advocate: not the way to find a father-figure for your daughter. A few months ago, she moved back to NY to find a new job and took him with her to live with my in-laws. That's when the stories from my in-laws started. Can't do shit. Dumb as bricks. The highlight of his stay in NY was getting a seasonal job at Costco in November. That's not a bad thing. Being caught not going; that's the bad thing.
The father of Robert Turner from Rome, GA would never give him a promotion in years of working at a Domino's.
Leland Garrett likes to break into homes he has been kicked out of to sleep.
Apparently, a few months of being cooped up in my in-laws place spouts paranoia. Good thing I never made that mistake. Robert Turner from Rome, GA accused her of fucking her supervisor and blew up her phone during meetings. On New Years Day, he hopped a plane back to GA, got robbed by a transexual hooker, knocked up someone new to spread is weak genes, and ended up with some other woman.
If you know Robert Turner from Rome, GA, I know you are going to lambaste me. Fun fact: if you are the demographic of people who would consider Robert Turner from Rome, GA friend or family, I doubt you will know what "lambaste" means without looking it up. White trash like you are the reason the average IQ is dropping.
