Today's rant: my holiness

I am giving serious thought to starting my own religion in order to have a way to get around stupid rules that local, state, and federal governments set up.  The reason is that a white, Christian high school football coach just won a Supreme Court case regarding him praying after a football game.  I mention the color of his skin and his religion because you can bet your balls if he was Muslim, that shit wouldn't happen.  Separation of Church and State seems pretty selective.  Other established rules seem pretty selective depending on sex, gender, born or unborn, race, bedfellows, citizenship, being a company, and other factors.  So why not I?  Why don't I take advantage?

There is no regulating body on Earth that says what a church is or is not.  However, for the purposes of US government recognition, I will be referring to the IRS guidelines.  I use the term "guidelines" loosely because not all items on the list they give on their website are required, but merely a "combination of these characteristics".  I will also be referring to the IRS because I like the idea of getting tax-exempt status.

One thing I would need is a creed and form of worship.  I would define my form of worship as logging into my Discord chat room at least once a week and saying "hi" to everyone.  The creed needs to be more thought out, but it would be pinned at the top of the chat room.  Here is my creed:

1. You can wear a hat if you want. (I'm defining any man-made item as a hat, including headscarves and unicorn headbands)

2. If someone does something objectively stupid in front of  you, you can pray out loud asking that Joe Pesci busts their knees with a baseball bat.

3. Life is not sacred.  You wouldn't hold a funeral for bacteria after the doctor gives you medicine for your infection.

4.  That being said, try not to kill anybody.

5.  An abortion is a sacrament, though not mandatory.

6.  Gender and sexual orientation are spectrums.  Any combination or permutation is OK and not worth less than any other.

7.  All claims must be substantiated with the scientific method.

8.  All problems must be solved using quality control practices, such as Root Cause / Corrective Action, 8D method, A3 method, etc.

9.  If you get a discount when buying something, such as with an advertised sale, coupon, or gift card, donate the difference (cash equivalent or food equivalent) to a food bank.

I also need an established place of worship.  Discord.  I also need regular congregations.  As stated before, once a week to say "hi".  I also need "regular religious services".  I think I can accomplish that with a weekly live webcast that people can join.

One thing I see on the IRS guidelines that I find particularly weird is Sunday schools for instruction of the young.  Does it have to be Sunday?  Why is the IRS saying this?  Why not Wednesday during lunch?

Ok.  Who wants in?

Today's rant: Jurassic Abortions

If you’ve never seen all of the Jurassic Park movies, and I have not, here is a brief but accurate summary:
1^st movie:  Let’s bring dinosaurs back to life and put them in an amusement park.  What’s the worst that can happen?
2^nd movie:  Let’s take dinosaurs off the isolated islands and bring them to the mainland.  What’s the worst that can happen?
3^rd movie:  Let’s go back to the isolated islands where the dinosaurs run free.  What’s the worst that can happen?
4^th movie:  Let’s open ANOTHER dinosaur amusement park and genetically create a stronger dinosaur.  What’s the worst that can happen?
5^th movie:  Let’s bring the dinosaurs to the mainland AGAIN and sell them on the black market.  What’s the worst that can happen?
6^th movie:  Let’s bring locusts back to life.  What’s the worst that can happen?

It appears that in some parts of the country, the rights of a gun-toting maniac outweigh the rights of a pregnant woman.  The argument against “murdering children in their mother’s wombs” seems counterintuitive with argument against preventing the rampant murder of actual living breathing people.  Arguing against abortion is not a religious, zealous appeal to a higher authority.  It’s a trigger to get stupid and uninformed people to vote.  Besides, abortion isn't in the bible.  And don't tell me that "murder" is, because God has never had a problem with murder before in all of human history.  God's most devout followers have been responsible for more murder than anyone else.

Let me take this opportunity to cut off the argument “what about the rights of the unborn child?”  Fuck you.  It has no rights.  It’s not born.  You give a corporation more rights than a fetus.  Life is not sacred.  Just look at Uvalde and Buffalo.  Viruses are alive.  Bacteria are alive.

What a wonderful time to be alive.  Let’s look at today’s life-cycle.  First, a mother can be forced to carry a fetus to term, which may have inherent health risks to said mother.  For argument’s sake, let’s say the mom dies.  Best case scenario, now you have a child with a widowed parent who can’t find baby formula on the store shelves because there’s a shortage.  Should the kid find the nutrition necessary, now we gotta educate the kid.  But for fuck’s sake, don’t tell the kid anything about the social nuances about biology, sex, and gender, because that’s too confusing for even the adults to wrap their heads around.  Also, make sure history class only covers the American Revolution, WWII, and anything after 1965.  Anything before or in-between sounds icky, and we just rather ignore that.  For gym class, kids learn how to duck and cover because gun-wielding maniacs have more rights than this kids mom ever did.  There is a non-zero chance the life-cycle ends here.  For the rest of the kids, work your asses off for $7.25/hour, or $2.13/hour if you have a tipped job, or go to college and sign your future away to your financial masters who will be sucking your paycheck dry until the day you die.

Look, can we just make a compromise?  Ratify the right to abortions, and in return, you get that stupid goddamn wall.  It’s not going to work anyway, but fuck it.  Take it.