Today's rant: cute

I think it is cute that there are people who still hang flags in support of former-President Tangerine Treason on their cars and in front of their houses.  I have never seen such public devotion to an elected official out of power in the United States.  My reptilian brain sometimes think of defacing them, but then I decide that it is not worth the effort to commit a crime to bring petty smite.  I settle for standing, pointing, and laughing at these people.  There’s nothing illegal about that.  Rest assured, they deserve ridicule.  These people actively supported bigotry in power or were comfortable enough with it to ignore it and vote for him anyway.  Unfortunately, it’s not like I can ridicule half of my coworkers whenever I want.  I need to function with these people.  It’s a weird balancing act between with my morals and opinions on one side and my professionalism and career on the other.

I also find it adorable how Republicans are shitting their pants over critical race theory:  the teaching that racism is ingrained in American law and institutions.  That fragility over their whiteness and risk to their inherent power is so fucking cute.  Bless their hearts.  From my point of view, when I learned about Long Island history, I would have appreciated to have been told that mortgage riders in Levittown specifically prohibited black people from moving there after World War II.  I had to find that out way later.  Now that I know, I am not shitting my pants.  I am reconciling with that part of Long Island’s history.  That serves as a pretty strong piece of evidence based on my upbringing and exposure that critical race theory holds merit.

Want to know what is also cute?  Republicans cannot seem to decide on which manner of fraud they think caused Cheetos McHairpiece to lose.  Lack of signature verification, too many ballot drop boxes, ballots dumped in ditches, voting machine hacking, changes to the voting laws that were to advantageous for people they don’t like, Hugo Chavez… it’s a long list.

While I was driving to an Italian restaurant one day, I passed a home that had a 6- or 7-foot tall wooden sculpture of a cross on their lawn with a bald eagle on top of it and the word “TRUMP” written down the vertical part of the cross.  This is why, I’m pretty sure, that they have that part about the golden (or in this case, orange) calf in the bible, about worshiping false idols.  I’d be ok with this if it just meant that they wanted to hang Trump upside down from a cross while he is nailed to it and a bald eagle is shitting in his mouth.  Somehow, I do not think that is what they were going for, though.

According to “Futurism”, scientists want to use artificial intelligence to talk to whales.  I do not think that is a good idea.  I guarantee that the first thing they will decipher is “why are you killing us?”  As the dominant species on the planet, I think any intelligent conversation with animals will be very awkward.  Chickens would say “my uterus hurts” and “get me out of this cage”.

To all of the people who stormed the Capital building on January 6, I want you to know that your favorite cable news channel, Fox News, has people working for their network who will alter their narrative and actively deny what you did.  They are going to say the FBI, anti-fascists, and Black Lives Matter protestors did it.  They will disavow you.  How does that make you feel?  You know that lady who was shot and killed by Capital Police?  What do you think they are going to start saying about her?  She’s a martyr for you now, but given time, they will say she never existed as part of a false flag operation.

Now that I’ve said something serious to you patriotic folk, I am going to make fun of you, because nothing says “patriotism” like a “Camp Auschwitz” shirt.  I mean, come on.  If you are so patriotic, why did some of you wear a “Camp Auschwitz” shirt?  Auschwitz was run by Nazis.  They were the bad people the country fought against in World War II… only after we were provoked by the Japanese, but that’s besides the point.  Can you possibly see that wearing Nazi paraphernalia could make you look like the bad guys?  You see that.  Right?  Right?  Or you can just save us a bunch of time and just admit to us that you hate anyone who isn’t a white Christian?  Then I don’t have to ask why some of you wore the stupid fucking shirt.  The best thing to happen at the January 6 riot was a lady wearing a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag around her getting trampled to death.  The irony is fucking beautiful.  But in all seriousness, what the hell is with that fucking snake flag?  It looks like someone living in the back woods ran out of red and blue paint, drew a squiggly line on a blank flag, and pissed on it.

Do not get me wrong.  I have been pissed off enough at the federal government to want to just say “fuck it’ and start over.  That’s why the founders threw the “Articles of Confederation” in the garbage.  It’s not unprecedented.  The difference between you and me is the same difference between you and BLM protesters.  Their grievances, anger, and rioting are based on history.  Yours is based on a lie.  It’s a lie.  It was planted in your brains months before the election and steadily spoon fed to you leading up and way after.  Everyone was told “it’s going to be a fraud” months ahead of time on a continuous basis, and you believed it.  You failed to think critically that an orange alien that looks like an upside down candy corn could be anything by omniscient.  You’ve had your audits.  You’ve had your recounts.  Georgia had 2 recounts.  Yet you read these words and don’t budge.  You don’t care.  You are mediocre.  You are dumb.  You blindly accepted what your corporate-backed politicians and your dumb family members told you without a second thought.  You know what?  Go to Florida, secede from the rest of the country, and go fuck yourselves.

Today's rant: anal-ists

I think "senior analysts" and "senior correspondents" should be illegal news media.  This is not a freedom of press 1st Amendment issue.  Simply put, analysts and correspondents are not members of the press, so there is no freedom withheld by making them illegal.  They are paid for opinions.  That's not news.  It's not.  It's not news.  Are you hearing me, Fox?  CNN?  MSNBC?  Professional opinions are not news.

I think Biden needs to go back to whispering in the microphone when he is making a simple point to his political rivals.  I love that.  It's like he's talking down to children when they fuck up.  "I told you... this what was going to happen.  You didn't listen to me.  Now you twisted your ankle while walking up the front stairs to a building you were protesting in your stupid fake camo and Camp Auschwitz t-shirt.  Go get an ice pack, go to your room, change into some decent clothes, and I'll check up on you in a bit."  I want him to do the same to the anti-vaxxers.  "You know... I was going to open everything back up again.  All you had to do... was get your shot... like your sister did.   You had 5 months.  Now you're sick.  Now you can't go out.  And if you try, you're going to have to show proof you did what you were supposed to do."

today's rant: Florida

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is the Jeff Bezos of state governors.  His state has record economic output at the expense of the health and safety of those who work there, pushing them harder than is necessary yielding record health problems.  And Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, how many unvaccinated motherfuckers are living in Florida to still give the record number of state infections and hospitalizations?!

Goddamn, I don't like Florida.  For one thing, I don't know if you noticed, but it's too fucking hot.  How much infrastructure do you think the college and professional sports teams down there have to invest in to keep the players cool from spring to fall?

There is only one redeeming quality in Florida.  It's a regional Pokemon hotspot in the U.S.  It is southern enough spawn certain regional Pokemon, like Corsola.  That's right.  I am considering the only redeeming quality of an area that has had U.S. statehood for 176 years to be the fact that a Japanese gaming company made it special a few years ago.

I like Disney World, but I hate the people and the heat and the lines.  It's not fun when I can only ride at most 3 rides a day, even with a disability pass, and therefore need to stay in the sweltering summer sun and maintain my hydration by chugging water that is going to give me the worst burps and shits in my life.  I would rather go in the winter during a midweek, and I hate that my kids' schools don't do midweek vacations.  Besides Christmas break, they only do extended weekends, and every vacation is expensive on Christmas break.  Fuck that shit.

I have, unfortunately, been bombarded with news about Florida.  I have said in the past that I was trying to cut off national news, but this is unavoidable unless I watch Fox News 24 hours a day, and I don't hate myself that much.  I am oddly intrigued by all that is happening with Governor DeSantis banning mask mandates in schools and skyrocketing COVID-19-related medical problems.  I find it as intriguing as watching a fire burn.  I don't want to stop watching the fire burn, because it's fire and it's pretty.  I'm just going to sit back, wear my mask, and watch the metaphorical fire that is Florida burn.  While I am at it, I am also going to sit back, wear my mask, and watch the literal fire that is California burn, because California is on fire again.

today's rant: correlation

There is a correlation between white conservative Americans and:

1. racism

2. vaccination hesitancy, which leads to...

3. increased COVID infection and death rates as of July, 2021

4. idiocy

There is no fucking way that they are mutually exclusive.  I'm not saying liberals are exclusive to some of these.  I'm just saying that white American conservatism is DEFINITELY tied to all 4 listed above simutaneously.

These are the thoughts I have when I'm in a good mood and I do not want to burden my Facebook friends with them.  Hence, I put them here.

Olympic gymnast Simone Biles doesn't deserve any criticism from a schmuck like me.  More broadly, nobody deserves any criticism from schmucks who no absolutely nothing of what they do.  Take professional wrestling, for instance.  I like watching professional wrestling.  These people can do things I definitely cannot do.  I have not trained my body to be in the condition to be that athletic night in and night out.  I'm sure that shit takes years to perfect.  Now let's take this even more broadly, beyond physical ability.  Here's another example:  car mechanics.  Car mechanics know stuff I do not know.  That's why I pay them for their expertise.  Who the fuck am I to nitpick?  I am no more as knowledgeable about automotive maintenance than I am about mastering the momentum of my body to maximum agility.  Therefore, you are a lot better at your skill set than I am.  End of story.  Although, Ronda Rousey summed it up a lot better than me when she wrote that a person who judges others similarly doesn't know their foot from their asshole.  Magnifico!

Representative Jim Jordan loves to wear yellow ties and go public without a suit jacket.  I think that's OK.  At most, I would be willing to present his jacket to him with outstretched arms before wrapping it around his neck and chocking him for all of the stupid words and ideas that come out his mouth.

today's rant: the unvaccinated

If you are unvaccinated because of a medical condition that prohibits you from safely taking the shot, then OK.  You are fine.  If you are unvaccinated because you chose not to get one, then fuck you, shitbag!  Any time past May, 2021 to get your first shot is inexcusable.  States are creating incentives to get vaccinated.  They are giving away lottery tickets.  LOTTERY TICKETS!  I know for a fact that is what most of you stupid people spent your Biden stimulus on.  I didn't require an incentive.  It was March, I scheduled it, and I got it because I am a decent fucking human being.

You cocksuckers are the reason why people are still dying.  That is a statistical fact.  I shouldn't ironically read 5 news stories a week about people who refused to get a COVID-19 vaccine ending up on a ventilator for 6 weeks before dying.  Despite your retarded conspiracies, I almost wish this was biological warfare, because then it would weed out the stupid people who don't get immunity.  The only problem with that would be also the immunosuppressed, people who would be allergic to the shot, and others in the same boat would die from no fault of their own.  That's the whole fucking scientific reason for vaccines.  To stop the spread.  That's why I got it.  So fuck you.  I'm a better person than you.

If your reason for not getting the shot is purely political, god damn, you are fucking stupid.  Drumpf did "Operation Warp Speed" to get the stuff manufactured.  Just keep sucking his cock like you've been doing these past six months since he left office and just take the fucking shot.  Even Mr. turkey-turle Mitch McConnell says to get it.

Today's rant: the erection of 2020

Was there a widespread attempt to commit election fraud?  Absolutely.  Trump did it.  He was on TV all the time pitching it.  His phone calls were recorded of him trying to do it.  He was fulfilling his own prophecy.  Argue with me.

He called state officials to try to get them to change the numbers.  This is a fact.  When that didn't work, he tried to get them to declare the votes bad.  This is also a fact.  People who don't believe these facts are registered sex offenders.  That is the 3rd fact of this paragraph.  He had Georgia count the votes 3 times.  Fine.  Do it.  Count it twenty times.  I want the numbers to be correct.

I'm glad Trump went to the courts to try get results changed.  All that did was help prove legitimacy to the vote.  He won 1 case and lost at least 60.  The only way that happens elsewhere in life is when you are picking your NCAA basketball bracket and you bet all underdogs.  What I am not glad with is his celebrity giving him a voice to continue spreading bullshit and unproven/disproven statements.

I will say that November and December were truly hopeful months.  Every day, Trump lost again.  And again.  AND AGAIN!  It was the gift that kept on giving.  Every day that passed got easier and easier to ignore any fucking batshit crazy thing he and his cronies said.  Glorious, glorious clarity, I can hear my own thoughts again.

I want to know how many cocks My Pillow Man had to suck in order to be in a position of power in federal government.  He needs to be sent to an insane asylum and put in a room with the walls lined with My Pillows.

I do not like that man, Ted Cruz.

I do not like his right-wing queues.

I do not like his vote objections.

I do not like his clothes selections.

I do not like his hairy face.

I do not like him wearing shades.

I do not like his total mass.

That man, Ted Cruz, can kiss my ass.

today's rant: coronavirus

I feel like I have been living in a young-adult novel for the past twelve months.  What the fuck?!

I think the argument of "if we just closed down a week earlier" is a bullshit argument, because absolutely nobody, democrat or republican, wanted to shut down.  I didn't want to shut down at the time either.  Baseball preseason had just started.  Let's go, Mets.  We were forced to due to the exponential rise of COVID cases.  So republicans blaming NY Governor Cuomo for not shutting down a week earlier is just as stupid of a comment to make democrats blaming the White House for not doing the same thing.  However, everything that happened after the 3rd week of March is entirely Trump's fault.  Everything bad was exacerbated by federal inaction.  Argue that with me.  Just try.

I've heard arguments that Trump took "decisive" action to stop travel to the US to curtail the spread of coronavirus.  Those same arguments ignore the fact that travel from Asia was restricted.  Travel from Europe was not restricted so quickly.  That's why NY and the east coast got hit so hard.

If the former President of the United States gets to call it "the China virus", I get to call him "the ginger whispy pubes president" and his wife "the European First Lady", because they are simply accurate factual descriptions of where they came from.

Living in South Carolina during the first part of the outbreak in the states made me feel really smart.  The key demographics that I noticed at a store wearing masks were old people and black people.  Middle-aged white people, I observed, had only about a 10% mask wearing rate out in public.  Fuck, I live in a dumb demographic.  It got to the point where I was making angry Facebook posts about the record-setting death rates in the state, ending in "Wear your fucking mask!" with every post.  I offended a family friend who knew my parents.  I told him to block me.  He complied.  Hey Dick?  Fuck you!

I knew right away that we were fucked and we were not going to get a decent response from the federal government.  The messages they sent were:

- Wear a mask, but you don't have to.

- It's worse than the flu, but it's not worse than the flu.

- WARP SPEED!

- "Very powerful light."

- Disinfectants will work by injection.

That last one really bugged the shit out of me.  At first, I thought "No way Orange Julius actually said that."  Then I watched the replay.  And holy shit, he actually said that.  To his "credit", a lot of the repetitions by comedians and news outlets said he wanted people to inject themselves with bleach.  While the sentiment was there, he never specified which "disinfectant", so it was inaccurate.

I read a story about an married couple who heard about hydroxychloroquine from Trump, found out it was in their fish food, ate it themselves, got sent to the hospital, and the husband died.  GOOD!  Fucking idiots.