Today's rant: where's the outrage?

Where's the outrage?  I'll tell you where. It's with the person yelling "where's the outrage". It's as fucking simple as that. I'm sick of reading that drivel of the English language in facebook posts and newspapers. That phrase ranks with up high as one of the stupidest things anyone can say, in between "are you busy" and "what time is it". Every time a tragedy gets down to the issue of skin color, whether there is a shooting of a cop who isn't white, or the cops shoot a teenager who isn't black, that fucking phrase pops up.

No one gives a fuck. That's where the outrage is. You don't like it, then YOU be the outrage, you lazy cunt. Stop your bitching and do something about it. Go hog wild. Stab a bunch of people in the neck on a loaded train during rush hour. Then get mauled by an array of police bullets. If you're lucky, maybe somebody will be outraged and pick up where you left off. It's the circle of life. Now really, does outrage sound like the best idea to you?

Today's rant: lion

Fuck Cecil the lion. I don't give a shit. I don't care if some dentist paid $50k to hunt a lion. Beats the shit out of paying $50k to kill a human like in "Hostel".

I would love to eat a lion steak, get some food caught in my teeth, then hire that dentist to get the meat unstuck from my teeth. I'd give him a high five.

Whether the fucking cat was killed without a proper permit or not does not change the fact that YOU CAN STILL GET A PERMIT TO HUNT LION. LION HUNTING IS NOT ILLEGAL. And mom, no. The lion was not famous. Unless the cat contributed something to western society, like blowing Newt Gingrich or mauling Sarah Palin, it was not famous.

How sheepish are you motherfuckers who bitch and moan about one lion that you have never heard of before this week and do not even bother condemning all forms of hunting, fishing, and in general all forms of animal food and clothing like the vegans?  They and the animal rights groups, like PETA, are the only ones who have the right to say anything about the big dead cat.  As a comedian, Jimmy Kimmel should be ashamed of himself.

today's rant: emotional issues

for reasons that escape me, i received 170 pages views yesterday.  thanks for taking time out of your life to read my stuff.  time is precious, and i appreciate that.

because time is so precious, i am dumbfounded that people would waste a beautiful saturday standing outside the columbia state house... again... and get worked up about something that has no physical impact on the real world, like taking down that goddamn confederate flag.  is there a thought process that goes into organizing a bunch of shaved, tattooed, grumpy white people to go bitch and moan about something like that?  i am more pissed off at the confederate flag for tugging at people's reactions for taking it down than for its relation to racial issues. 

today's rant: superheroes & bedbugs

the TV show i am currently binging on is "louie".  despite the allegation that he masturbates in front of female comedians, the show is funny as fuck.

i am a fan of the darwin awards.  a couple of months ago, i was fortunate to find a story and submit it for review by the site's moderators.  they thought it was worthy of an honorable mention, as the subject of the story is still alive.  i did a little research on the person in question, and it is quite interesting.  here is some backstory.  apparently, the person suffers from paranoia.  before the darwin incident, he was homeless and living in a rental car he stole from florida.  the bank foreclosed on his home and he maintains a blog and his facebook page using public wifi at stores and libraries.  in his posts, he is adamant that there is a conspiracy covering up the death of his friend, which he classifies as a murder.  now, getting to the darwin incident.  he spent so much time in the stolen rental car that he attracted bed bugs.  according to cops, a friend told him that alcohol would kill the bugs.  so, he doused the fabric of the car seats in rubbing alcohol, sat in the car, and lit up a cigarette.  FOOOSH!  he suffered 1st and 2nd degree burns and destroyed 3 cars, including the rental.  mental situation aside, you have to be a pretty humungo derp-de-derp to think that lighting up a drag was a good idea in that car.

my daughter likes to touch the TV screen and point at things.  i have to remind her "it's not a touch screen.  it's not an iphone."

i think it is very important to read comic books and show superhero cartoons to children.  aside from superpowers, a lot of superheroes are very smart.  please note, i am limiting this list to marvel superheroes as i do not follow any other comic universe.

the incredible hulk:  nuclear physicist
she-hulk:  lawyer
daredevil:  lawyer
iron man:  engineering genius, owns his own company
spider-man:  teacher, owns his own company
mr. fantastic:  scientist, smartest human in the marvel comic universe, though his daughter may surpass him
dr. strange:  neurosurgeon
thor (jane foster):  M.D.
professor x:  geneticist
ant-man:  created his own atomic particles

today's rant: flaggots

in my opinion, the resurgence of the confederate flag issue is pure bullshit.  taking down the confederate flag from the sc state house does not bring 9 people back from the dead.  this act was purely symbolic and emotional, serving no actual physical purpose.

my wife:  "they took it down for the wrong reason."
me:  "they put it UP for the wrong reason."

what i love best is that the skin heads come out to bitch and moan about their bullshit ideology and wave their shit around as if they were in a gay pride parade.  the irony is beautiful.  they are flaggots.

yesterday, i saw two pickup trucks driving around with a flagpole mounted in the bed that had the confederate flag mounted.  look, i am not against individuals displaying whatever flag they want on their private property.  however, at the very least, they need to be able to take all the ridicule that rightfully and justifiably comes hurling their way.  if you like the confederate flag and dislike what you are reading at this point, let me give you an example:  i am a mets fan.  you are a racist.  i can defend my statement to every one of my coworkers in my place of employment.  can you?  take the ridicule, you pussy.

has to be a rough month to be a skin head.  first, state bans on gay marriage are ruled unconstitutional, then the toilet paper that they call a flag is removed from a government building.  the only thing that would put the icing on the cake would be if the rest of the country converted to judaism.  l' chaim!

Today's rant: state same-sex marriage bans unconstitutional

Celebrate marriage equality!  Watch lesbian porn!

I often wonder what types of clothes alien cultures are accustomed to. I speculate that there is an alien culture that wears neckties around their genitals.

today's rant: charleston

I live one town over from Lexington, SC, where the church shooter is from. For those unaware, it takes 2 hours to drive from there to Charleston. That is a long time to brood. I don't have that kind of free time. If I did, I'd find something constructive to do. 

I believe in the spirit of the 8th Amendment against cruel and unusual punishment. I do not think anyone should pay fines disproportionate to their crimes. However, I think we can allow some room for torture in the case of first degree murder. The first thing that comes to mind is the opening scene of "Quantum of Solace" where James Bond is strapped naked to a wicker chair with the seat mesh missing and being flogged in the testicles with an overly long slapjack. 

I love that a bunch of white people narced on him. Fuck him.

today's rant: perfect game

the only reason the title is called "perfect game" is because my last post was my 300th.  who can fucking believe that i have the patience to sit down and get this shit out of my head three hundred times?

um, i am not a specialist in anything to do with the NAACP.  therefore, one way on the other i don't care.  don't even bring it up to me.  i don't care who the bitch is.  i don't care what she thinks she is.  if you talk about it to me, i will tune it out and start thinking about how jenna jameson is converting to judaism.  believe it or not, that is more relevant news to me.  same goes for caitlyn jenner and the entire kardashian family.  i don't care.  you shouldn't either.

i'm back in new york for a week for vacation.  jesus christ, i have missed toasted NY bagels.  i saw "avenue Q" for the first time last night.  bless those puppets.

i have a serious question and i am looking for the answer.  why the FUCK do top 40 radio stations STILL FUCKING PLAY "i'll be missing you" by puff diddy daddy farty licky piffy party and "all the small things" by blink-182?  i mean holy shit!  one of those songs is now old enough to fuck without having to worry about the age of consent! 

today's rant: lindy

i still am able to receive local news from long island, despite living in south carolina, because i still have the News 12 app on my phone and their parent company, Cablevision, never deactivated my login information.  I can watch live TV on that channel if i wanted to on my phone.  a few weeks ago, they reported that a letter was found in the mailbox of a black family from my old town, lindenhurst.  the letter asked the family to leave the town because they did not belong.  if you research the letter, it actually used the word "please".  say what you will about lindenhurst racist white people, but they are polite.  fun fact:  at one point, lindy had a KKK chapter.  wonder if some skeevy shit still goes down?  i don't wonder.  i know.

last week, a 4 kids (1 of which my mother-in-law used to babysit) from lindenhurst were busted in levittown with 95 packs of heroin in the car.  THAT is the kind of shit that does not need to be in lindenhurst.  black people are not the problem in lindenhurst.  stupid, drug-dealing white people are the problem.

according to the american legislative exchange council in a "report card on american education", my resident state, south carolina, was dead last.  kinda gives you a warm fuzzy feeling inside.  well, i hope buying a house in one of the 2 best HS districts in the state pays off.  bet your ass i will be a part of how well my kids are being taught.  i give a shit.

today's rant: little genius?

i wish white cops would stop shooting all the black people.

my son has a shirt that says "little genius" on it.  as a man, i stay away from any child clothing-related purchasing decisions.  this was no exception.  he is not even one year old yet.  i think the benchmark for genius should at least be the ability to solve a rubik's cube by 2 years old.  however, i have found a way to make the shirt slightly more accurate with just a few changes to the lettering.  i've changed "little genius" to "little genitals".  you would be surprised how many compliments i have been getting by elderly people at church for being an honest parent and not a self-serving prick.  unfortunately, i need to sharpie it in after every run through the laundry.

today's rant: cleansing the gene pool

On behalf of men everywhere, I hereby state that I do not feel any discrimination against women who lactate. I do not, and furthermore choose not to take medications that would allow me to. Speaking from the logical point of view of "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few", just because "men can lactate under certain circumstances" does not make them the majority.   Therefore, the Supreme Court and the ACLU need to re-evaluate their priorities.  Also, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  firing a woman because she is booby-feeding and saying it is not sexual discrimination because men can lactate?  nationwide is not on your side.  i have never ever ever ever heard of an instance where a man has needed to have appropriate accommodations at work with human resources to lactate however many times in a day.  PURE BULLSHIT!

there is only one good thing about anti-vaccination parents:  darwinism.  eventually, the stupid genes coming from their crotches will be wiped from the face of earth.  in the meantime, the rest of humanity suffers from retards expressing their "liberties".  i think that their "right" to not vaccinate their children is akin to my "right" to shoot somebody in the head.  i can do it if i wanted, but it does not make a good fucking idea.  that's because of a thing called "consequences".  also, there is science.  fucking science.  facts.  numbers.  statistics.

in my opinion, the progress of humankind is more important that the civil liberties of a minority that negatively affects the vast majority.  therefore, we should rebuild the titanic and stuff it from stem to stern with the following people:
anti-vaxers
evolution deniers
holocaust deniers
scientologists
the westboro baptist church
the kkk
cast of "the view"
fox news
nancy grace
lobbyists
the entire discovery channel
we need to send them across the pacific ocean.  half way, we air-drop a cargo container full of hand grenades.  when they get to hawaii, we turn them toward alaska.  half way, we air-drop a cargo container full of old computers running Windows 95.  when they get to alaska, we turn them back to the continental U.S.  half way, we air-drop a cargo container full of panthers.  when they get back, the survivors are put on a 2-hour live special of "whose line is it anyway".  if they're not funny, wayne brady blows their brains with a sniper rifle.