What’s the
difference between “alternative facts” and “fake news”? I think they can mean the same thing. By the strictest definition of the word
“fact”, there can be no alternative.
Facts are things that can be proven true. Fact is not truth, thank you Indiana
Jones. Truth is subjective from person
to person. Since a fact is proven, there
is no middle-ground or ambiguity.
Therefore, there is no “alternative” that is proven true. An “alternative fact” sounds like something
proven untrue: a lie. And the word “fake” means inauthentic, not
genuine, not based in reality. I could
call “fake” a lie in the correct context.
To the current presidential administration, “alternative facts” is what
you say when your people lie; “fake news” is what you say when you want people
to think the other people lie. To them,
lies are just Jim Dandy, as long as they are coming from their people. Well FUCK YOU, you shit-eating cunt! That’s right, I’m upgrading Kellyanne Conway
to official CUNT status, right next to Rosie O’Donnell, Nancy Grace, and those
bitches from “The View”.
Don’t get me
wrong, all major news is fake. CNBC to
Fox, HuffPost to InfoWars. This is what
gripes me about the president being selective about what he calls “fake”. To him, everything is fake except that which
agrees with him. That’s not a red flag
that something is wrong; that’s a crimson flag.
However, all of the major ones are more than guilty of selectively
spinning events to purport a political agenda.
The two recent mass-tragedies are conclusive proof. All you have to do is see those jabbering
pundits talk non-stop of how the other political extreme is to blame and how
the blame is being redirected back on themselves, while not actually blaming the
perpetrators. Verbal diarrhea, non-stop.
I’m not going to tell you where to get
your information. I’m telling you to
question the tone and word choice the publishers and writers use. Don’t be too fucking stupid.
…OK, I will
at least tell you where to NOT get your news from.
- Anything that has a name that combines two or
more words without a space in between (see the previous paragraph for examples). That type of stylizing will make people
retarded, which is probably their intention.
That’s what they did in 1984, you ignorant pricks! They dumbed down the vocabulary to keep
people from using critical thinking. USE
THE FUCKING SPACE BAR! IT’S THE BIGGEST
BUTTON ON THE KEYBOARD FOR A GODDAMN REASON!
- Social media, especially Facebook.
- Cable news networks.
- Any content a magazine that is exactly one page
long and on the right-hand page. That’s
not a medical report, that a prescription drug advertisement.
With the
verbal tick that is Dumbo Trump’s favorite phrase, “fake news”, I wonder why
I’ve never heard of an instance of his use of the phrase to describe the online
conspiracies that are in his political favor.
I’d really like to see a credible source. Someone, even you Russians who occasionally
look at these posts, anyone, explain where an anti-liberal story or conspiracy
can be proven fake (with citations) and show me a citation where Trump
denounces it. Pizzagate, that’s a good
idea. The idea that Hillary Clinton was
running an organization in the basement of a pizzeria for pedophelia. You know, the story not-so-ridiculous enough
that some conservative retard barged into the pizzeria with a fucking gun. Show me where Trump said that conspiracy was
“fake news”.
How come
whenever I see a dead bug on the floor, it’s always upside-down?
As an adult,
I have experienced three different intentions for Halloween.
- It’s a harvest holiday. Being from suburban NY, we don’t harvest
shit. (adapted from Lewis Black)
- It’s a children’s holiday. Those fuckers run around all night burning
calories to earn candy that will make up for those calories 100-fold. It’s also the one time of year that my kids
learn the financial concepts of “income tax” and “penalties”.
- It’s a sexy/slutty holiday. This excuse was made up by adults to make
themselves feel younger and experiment with role playing. Good, wholesome fun as I’ve ever heard.
Happy
belated Mischief Night, Halloween, All Saints Day, All Souls Day, Election Day, Veterans Day, school administrative holiday, Thanksgiving, and Black Friday (holy shit, that was a lot).
I know I rag
on the Republicans a lot, but goddamnit, they give me a lot of good
fodder. I was willing to bet money that if
the Republicans maintained control of both houses of Congress, Dumbo Trump will
announce that is was the BIGGEST…VOTER…TURNOUT…EVER. He’ll say it for either a midterm election or
any other, but I don’t have that specific detail because his hyperbole is a
slippery motherfucker. As you’re reading
those capitalized words, I know that you are mentally picturing the hand
gestures accentuating every word that President Orange Julius is accustomed to
making, and if you didn’t before, you are now.
He may even throw in some disproportionate approval ratings from women
and minorities. I’m not taking money
bets on those, though.
Well, as it
turned out, Democrats won majority of the House of Representatives. That means that for the next 2 years,
absolutely nothing will be approved by Congress. Locally, referendums in my county approved a
tax hike to spend on schools (I voted for) and disapproved with an amendment to
the SC state constitution giving the governor power to choose a Superintendent
of Education if the position is vacated (I voted against). In short, I’m ok with raising my taxes for my
kids schools. Local kids will get
smarter and that will trickle down into increased property value. However, the Superintendent thing seemed like
a power grab by our governor, the Trumpet (Trump puppet). I don’t want someone like Betsy DeVos, who
doesn’t know a goddamn thing about education and is in the back pocket of charter
schools, to be able to be chosen to take the position. When it comes to the position of US Secretary of
Education, currently held by DeVos, I think it would help if that person at
some point in their life was… maybe… a teacher?
The bitch is a career politician.
She has never worked a teaching gig in her life. I believe this is the kind of person that
would be sneaked into the position in SC if that kind of shitty amendment
passed. I will happily vote for a
daycare teacher over someone like that, because I know the daycare teacher
knows what the fuck they are talking about when it comes to education and
children.
Remember,
folks: if you vote, then you have every
right to complain.
Another
one-liner: Opinions are like
assholes: mine is awesome.
Here’s
something that I’m surprised people don’t talk about in public: how great it feels to pop a good zit. You ever find one that looks like it’s been
brewing for a few days and you’re surprised you didn’t see it sooner? But once you get fingers near it, it starts
feeling hot and irritated and you wonder how the hell it wasn’t bothering you
until just this moment? At that point,
instinct takes over and you gotta pop that son of a bitch. I’m talking “get this fucking shit out!” I’m not sure what everyone’s technique is,
but I like cornering the little fucker between the fingernails of my right and
left index fingers and pushing them together.
There are 3 things that can happen that make me feel like the king of
the world when popping a pustule. Firstly,
actually hearing it pop. I feel a sense
of accomplishment when I can hear it, because my hearing usually sucks. It makes me feel l have super hearing. Secondly, getting a really deep-seated one
out because that fucking thing was bothering me all day long, building pressure
with no place to release it. It feels
like it’s pushing through multiple layers of skin and tissue, and that fucker
pops like a fucking volcano! All red and
smoky. Thirdly, when a projectile of pus
hits the mirror you’re standing in front of.
That’s a branch of projectile motion physics I’ve yet to see being
studied. Also, even though it hurts
getting a really decent zit popped, doesn’t the pain feel good? YES IT DOES!
That pain at the moment of popping is you crossing the finish line in a
moment of glory. You did it. You got it out. It’s over.
Remember, it’s over. Don’t go
back and start fucking with the area all over again. I know it still feels pressurized like
there’s something else in there. There
isn’t. That’s just the area swollen and
irritated because of the deep mining you just did. Leave it alone; don’t irritate it more. It’ll take longer to heal. If you have to do something, wait an hour and
scrape your fingernail lightly over it to get that little yellow pus crystal
that forms afterward off your body.
Besides that, leave it alone until tomorrow. Tomorrow, you can see if there is anything
left in there to excavate again.
OK, back to
holidays. Cruising past Halloween and
Election Day, we head to Thanksgiving:
the one day a year we express our appreciation for what we have and spend
part of that same celebration planning to buy more stupid, frivolous shit the
following day, because economics. There
are only 2 items on my Black Friday List:
a Rubbermaid set and new pillows, and I’m ordering those online to avoid
the lines. Besides that, everyone else
can wait in line at the mall and trample each other to death like they’re
rioting at a professional soccer game when they should be just eating,
drinking, watching football, and passing out.
Once again, the sales start earlier and earlier. 2PM on Thanksgiving? I’m not even going to be taking the turkey
out by then! Please, don’t go out
shopping.
As I was
perusing online news stories in my downtime, I think I found a nice gem worthy
of submitting to the Darwin Awards. This
is from the British publisher “Daily Mail”.
The first line is awesome: “A man
was mowed down and killed by a Boeing 737 as it took off at a major Russian
airport.” HOLY SHIT! He was run over by a commercial jet! What the fuck was he doing on the
tarmac? Well, the man was being
deported back to Armenia and needed to make a connecting flight in Russia. “Albert Yepremyan, 25, had been deported from
Madrid to his native Armenia when he fled the terminal during a stopover in
Moscow, say reports.” He was running
away from the terminal and got “mowed down” by a 737! Stories like these make me happy because it
makes me feel smart.
