There is a United States congressional representative from the state of North Carolina named Madison Cawthorn who claims that older Congresspeople have invited him to sexual gatherings and have done “key bumps” of drugs in front of him. First of all, I put the phrase “key bump” in quotations because I do not know if it is one word or two. That word has never come up in my life until recently, when it was uttered out of his grand ol’ mouth. Secondly, the fact that he knows what a “key bump” is and I do not says a lot about him.
It is my professional opinion that the man is lying about the sexual gathering invitation in order to stir up conversation about him and against his Congressional coworkers. This line of reasoning starts from 2 simple facts: he is partially paralyzed and is in a wheelchair. Please let me clarify, I am not implying that he is paralyzed to the point that his penis does not work. I have not found proof that his dingdong is in disrepair, despite my due diligence (alliteration!), nor have I read anything to prove the opposite. The man does not have children. Therefore, if someone were to invite him to a sexual gathering, they would 1) need to already know that his pecker has perfect performing prowess, which brings up a whole host of questions as to why they would know that, and 2) know that the place has handicap accessibility. From a practical standpoint, what are the odds that both are true?
Will Smith smacked Chris Rock upside the head because Jada Pinkett Smith did not find a “G.I. Jane” joke referring to her bald head to be funny. Will Smith was laughing until he saw his wife was not. I don’t blame Will for getting all serious only after seeing his wife didn’t find the joke funny. Gentlemen, how many times have you laughed at something that your significant other found repugnant? The joke may have been out of place, and the physical contact was uncalled for. That’s it. Let’s move on.
