today's rant: mall and teabagging, originally 4/27/09

shell gas is now "nitrogen enriched".  nitrogen isn't flammable, so i guess "nitrogen enriched" means that the gas is shittier.

is there anything more emasculating than shopping at the disney store?  i was there about 2 days ago.  as soon as i walked into the store, i felt my blood pressure rise a few notches.  disclaimer:  do not enter the disney store if you have a pre-existing heart condition or a family history of high boold pressure.  i have the latter.  while i was in there, it was a constant barrage of hannah mon-fucking-tana and cinderella.  the only contribution i made to my girlfriend's shopping was pointing to a group of t-shirts and saying "how about toy story?  everyone loves toy store.  even i love toy story."

while shopping in macy's i discovered why neither me nor my girlfriend should ever shop for crystal again:  we can't pronounce worth a shit.  we were standing by the waterford crystal section looking at one of their collections.  she said that the crystal glasses she was looking for were in the marquis collection.  she enunciated the "s" in marquis".  on the other side of the coin, i found an ad for longchamps crystal.  i pronounced it like it is spelled, "long champs".  apparently, it is pronounced "longshomp"  fuckin' french.

guys, is it fashionable to wear 3 polo shirts at the same time with the collar up?  where was i when the decision was made?  that's what i saw in the polo shirt part of macy's:  mannequins wearing 3 polos with the collars up.  it sounds like something the guineas would wear.  i'm not a racist, i'm half italian myself.  in fact, i'm part italian and part irish.  i'm a guinea and a mick.  i'm a gimmick.  in any case, the real guineas are the kids who gel their hair back, where the ralph lauren crap all over their body (cologne included), and rock the gold crosses.  basically, this includes all males from ages 12 to 28 living in garden city south.  they're the kind of retards would found find this shit fashionable.

if you were involved in the tea parties 2 weeks ago, i want to know.  let me know who you are so i can come over to your house in the middle of the night and teabag you while i take a picture.  "taxed enough already" my ass.  last i checked, less tax was taken out of my paycheck.  now i can afford another 5-course meal at taco bell.  shit yeah!!  fucking stupid conservative hippies.  why were you assholes causing traffic on sunrise highway holding anti-bailout and anti-obama signs?  how can you be anti-bailouts AND anti-obama if you are conservative?  it's your grand ol' motherfucking administration who authorized the bailouts, bumfucks!  another thing, why are you bringing your fucking kids to these protests?  is it to show them something to have them remember you by as the stupid sons of elephant-fucking bitches that you are?