yet another gripe about radio advertisements, but this time, it's not about WBLI. i listen to opie & anthony in the mornings on k-rock when i drive to work. usually around 6:55 - 7am, they go to commercial. one that i hear constantly is for a program called IQ, which advertises that it can make you read 1000% faster, allowing you to read 10 books in the time it takes to read 1. me, being the stuck up math genius that i am, have a serious problem with this that i'd like to take up with the dumb company that came up with this program (i don't remember the website they advertise, so if someone can shoot that to me, it would be deeply appreciated).
the math is wrong. 1000% faster does not equal 10 times as much. i can prove this. first and foremost, the key word is "faster", which when used with a percent, implies addition. let's start with a basic variable x, because everybody loves x. let's define x as your default reading speed.
0% faster than x is still x, because x didn't change. that's 1 times as fast, because 1 times x is still x.
if something was 100% faster, that would be x + x = 2x.
if something was 200% faster, that would be x + x + x = 3x.
if something was 300% faster, that would be x + x + x + x = 4x.
400% faster --> 5x
500% faster --> 6x
600% faster --> 7x
700% faster --> 8x
800% faster --> 9x
900% faster --> 10x
1000% faster --> 11x
1000% faster is taking the first initial rate x and adding 10x more to it, yielding 11 times the normal rate of reading. i wouldn't expect a programming or advertisement director at a radio broadcasting company to be aware of this, because you may have read what i think about radio people in general in my previous rants.
this brings me to my next issue with k-rock advertising: the mcdonalds chicken biscuit. they start by raving of how america is such a great place to live. essentially, the feel to the commercial is quite proudly, puffing-your-chest-up saying "this country is made up of people who took it upon themselves to use whatever pride this country had left and use it to sell a chicken sandwich on the radio" of course, the key line in the commercial is some dumb bitch proclaiming "i want to find the person at mcdonalds who is responsible for this chicken *dramatic pause* and just shake their hand." i'd like to find the person at mcdonalds who is responsible for this advertisement, and dunk their head in a toilet filled with their hot trans-fatty frying oil.
everyone, start burning more cds. you need something else to listen to besides this useless dreck between songs.
i'd like to close by saying beware of hurricane ike, or to quote jim norton, the "merciful wind from a knowledgable god". texas, let's be honest, you had this coming a long time, 7 years TO THE WEEK in fact. this hurricane is proof enough to me that there is a higher order of intelligence beyond this mortal coil and that hitting texas is no accident or random event. to those of you who decided to stay and ride it out, i have every right to make fun of you. i shall wish you a fond "fuck you" and i'll see you in hell.
No comments:
Post a Comment