at my favorite bar, they have a machine that cleans out used pint glasses on the spot by pressing it down on a platform and having water shoot up into it. little known fact: it's not water, it's coors light.
all the most popular pilsners are like water, especially coors light. no flavor, no aftertaste, and it pisses away clear just like water. as of late, coors has done everything imaginable in advertisement media to take people's attention away from their taste, because in the end, what does taste really matter, right? they have a vented can top to pour it faster and smoother. basically, what this does is make you drink more of the weak tasting pee water faster. they have a cold-activated bottle, turning blue at the "right temperature". they have a cold-protected lining, keeping your bottle cooler longer. fuck the cozy. it's all weapons of mass-distraction. they are all gimmicks to distract you from the fact that their beer tastes like watered-down piss. besides, all the "frost brewing" actually gives men's semen brain freezes, making them retarded in the moments before conception. coors drinkers of the world, do you really want watered-down pee-children that will grow up to drink nothing but coors light? do it for the kids.
there is a reason why people at ale houses get booed for ordering coors and bud. the main reason is that there are extensive beer lists and bottles on display at any self-respecting beer house, and they choose the lowest echelon of beer possible. given the vast amounts of beer out there, take a chance and spend more than $3 on coors.
a couple of days ago, i was driving home from work during a storm. pretty groovy lightning. at about 5 exits from home, my car started getting pelted with ice from above. ICE. i checked my watch and reminded myself that it was still summer. i was thinking "jesus christ! have i been drinking coors light?" but no, i was getting struck with ice in 80 degree weather. this summer's weather is FUCKED! the apocalypse is upon us! and nobody seems to give a shit about this. weather channel isn't doing anything about this. if they're the weather authority, you'd think they'd be able to stop people from getting bitch-slapped with ice from above. fuck them and fuck ice in the summer.
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