today’s rant: top 10 quotes of 2007, originally 12/27/07

i read through all the bullshit i've written in the past 12 months to try to find the top 10 most bizarre things that my little brain conjured up.  the reason i did this was because i've seen some blogs with top/worst quotes of 2007, and i figured "why the fuck not?"  keep in mind, i'm going to list the quotes, but not the context in which they were written.  i think it makes them funnier.

10. why pay $10 to see it in theaters?  put that money to good use and buy a blowjob from a tranny hooker.

9.judgment day is upon us and you should take your own life before you see children being spanked by donkeys in the street and nsync starts singing together again; you know, what you expect at the apocalypse.

8. be polite and ask before performing anal.
7. nancy grace, you are an unconscionable cunt!
6.now, is it just me, or is that phrase, "serve at the pleasure of the president", the gayest thing you've ever heard 60+ year old men say on news networks?

5. imagine the look on hilary's face knowing that she has alligator clips clamped down on her labia lips and worrying that she could get 5000 volts right to the cooter if she isn't clear on her responses.
4. put simply, it looked like i had a blue and gold striped vagina wrapped around my neck.
3. the only other person in america that loves to hear himself talk more is sitting in the oval office masturbating himself to oblivion.
2. then end the conversation by calling them a queef-chugging cunt nugget before running away arms swaying and screaming at the top of your lungs.
1. every time the bus turned right, i made sure to let him know "hey, you brought this on yourself.  you were asking for ass-to-ass contact" by nudging closer and closer to him.
that last one falls into the category of things that you talk about, then end with the sentence "it was a little gay, but it was worth it."  you know exactly what i'm talking about.