samsung 50" plasma HDTV: $798
bissel compact upright vacuum: $28
samsung 10.2-megapixel digital camera: $69
"the incredible hulk" dvd: $9
unbeatable bargains: one human life
being able to tell your friends and family that you had to literally kill someone to get prices that cheap: priceless
there are some things that money can't buy. for everything else, there's mastercard, now accepted wherever wal-mart employees are laying dead on the ground being trampled by ravenous shopaholics.
ok, so in a nutshell, wal-mart at the green acres mall, which is about a 15 minute drive from my house, was having a black friday sale. 2000 people showed up and started getting anxious approaching 5am. people from the back pushed forward, eventually leading the doors to be busted open and people rushing in. people got toppled over, including an employee who was killed. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?! barbara, this is another reason why we're never going to green acres mall.
i thought that in past years, it was bad enough. i saw news videos of people rushing into stores on black friday with people standing on the sides of the doorways. the people at the sides were literally kicking people down and stomping on them, not doing anything else. their sole purpose was to kick at and stomp on people. now people have escalated to manslaughter just to get a sweater on the cheap. we all know where this is going. next year, there will be people with knives just rushing into the middle of the crowd parting people away from them by stabbing them. if this is what it takes to bring our economy back from a recession, i'd rather live in a box.
also in depressing news, midnight on thanksgiving, radio stations started running 24-7 christmas music. that's the last straw. no one, not even I, can be able to deny that the holiday season is here. i've tried to deny it since independence day, but the more and more i looked at my surroundings, i somehow knew that my denial was futile. i reached that point of self-skepticism about 3 weeks ago. you know how in every town, there's this 1 asshole who owns a house and completely decorates it with x-mas regalia beyond reasonable thought? i saw one such a house on my ride home from work while driving through north babylon. giant plastic candy canes, giant x-mas inflatables... god i hate those things. ever time i drive by one of those things, i want to knife them to pieces. "ooh, it's a giant snow globe!" fuck you! if it's snowing in there and now outside, that pisses me off. the house also had plastic reindeer and sleds on top of the house. that was sleds, plural. also, layers of lights going across any dimension a house can possibly have, fake x-mas trees with lights on them, a nativity scene, and just for added realism, reindeer turds left and right.
what pisses me off the most about them is that people set this shit up and invite total fucking strangers to come and see them, then have the utter nerve to ask for donations to pay the electric bill. come to think of it, that's a great idea. i'm going to buy a beautiul house next to a soup kitchen or an orphanage, find as much christmass shit that i can plug in, then suck the electricity right out of the orphanage. then i'm going to ask for donations to pay for sucking out all of the electricity in a ruse to get the charity money that would've gone to the orphanage. it's fucking genius. patent pending.
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