a few weeks ago, i was on the highway driving home. i saw a car called the ....pontiac.... fiero. wow. what a fucking ugly car. don't buy a car if it's named after a character from a broadway musical. i'd hate to meet the poor schmuck who drives home from work everyday in a nissan mary poppins.
living with my girlfriend, it was inevitable that we had our first argument. the argument was about... toilet paper. she prefers scott tissue. she thinks that the brands that i like, such as cottonelle and quilted northern, are too expensive. too expensive? i'm sorry, but when it comes to caring for your ass, NO toilet paper is too expensive. i have too much respect for my ass to settle for anything less. added note: i hate using the toilet paper at work. the brand name is "windsoft". i can understand the name, if by "wind" they mean "frigid ice storm" and if by "soft" they mean "shards of glass".
besides me, who else knew, absolutely knew, that a gov't bailout of the banks and mortgage companies wouldn't work? i think we all deserve a coupon from these companies, or maybe a free toaster. let's try a little rational thinking exercise. hypothetically, it's the end of the year. you and 70 of your friends are trying to save your insurance company from going completely in the shitter. you've been given a few hundred million dollars and you have about $150 million left over. what do you do? ...the correct answer is anything besides "take the money for yourselves". if you came up with any other response, you are correct. nowadays, US presidents make $400k a year. these AIG assholes were giving themselves at least 2.5 times that... just for christmas!!! these companies deserve zero additional help. if they go under, so be it. the gov't gave them a chance at our expense, and they replied by doing the same selfish, self-righteous bullshit that got them begging for a bailout in the first place. if the employees had any will power or self-respect, they would rise as one and pillage the homes of hte executives and vote themselves new leaders.
what if "knocked up" was a musical? there's one scene where seth rogen talks to his friends about getting katherine heigl preggers, and jonah hill recommends the "a" word. for delicate ears he says "i won't say it but it rhymes with shmashmortion". that could be the musicals title track, "shmashmortion". it can take the melody of fiddler on the roof's "tradition". you may not think that's funny, but i do.
i think that there are 2 types of people when it comes to audience members of a britney spears concert. those types are people who don't know she is lip syncing and people who do know. the people who don't know are your little kids, special olympians, and chris crocker wannabes. (to those who don't know who chris crocker is, remember "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!"? that's him) as hard as it is to image, i know that there are people who go to a brit concert and know she is lip syncing. i found it hard to believe at first. however, i found out they do exist because while researching the "my pussy is hanging out" video on youtube, some brit fan posted that the fans at her concert know she is lip syncing and that they pay because she is still a great dancer. this kind of concert-goer is more retarded than the ones who don't know she's lip syncing. plain and simple. they are throwing their money away, and they know it. fuck giving brit the money. all the money should go to her band and dancers.
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