note: some of these tidbits are pieces of advice, some are just my opinions (especially the don'ts)
DOS
- i download illegally all the time. god gave us high-speed internet for a reason. if not to download all the movies and music a prick could possibly imagine at the speed of light, then for what other purpose? why pay for something when i don't have to?
- my debit card is one the best friends i have
- if you know how to build one, a self-built computer is better AND cheaper than anything you can find at best buy. if you MUST buy a computer from a retailer, buy a refurbished one with an extended full-coverage warranty. since a new computer is going to break after the initial one-year warranty expires anyway, might as well buy a used one to save money and use the difference in price to purchase a protection plan to cover the fucker for 3 years
- when i buy a new car, it's gonna be japanese. who knows what car technology that the japanese are sitting on. they gave us the wii, so they must have some kind of car seat that doubles as a toilet. that would be awesome.
- ebay is the shit. you can find nearly anything on there and pay no where near what you would pay in a store.
- find a friend or family member who is a techie and has a cache of illegal software. they will save you hundreds of dollars in tech-support anguish.
DON'TS
- I refuse to buy any verizon fios plan. i've had it before in my last apartment and i was not happy. the internet was noticeably slower. can't have that at all. i'm the type of asshole that notices small differences like that.
- i will not use a gps. tomtom is the devil. that fucker told me to get off of the jersey turnpike and then get back ON the turnpike. in addition, the "favorites" option is pointless. if you "favorite" a specific address, wouldn't you not need the gps anymore after a few drives to that place? you'd know how to get there, wouldn't you?
- texting is not for me. for one, i don't have that big of a social circle to the point of necessity to text everyone that i'm at the dentist's office getting a check-up and bleeding from the mouth while they have "hannah montana" on the tv in the exam room. secondly, we as humans are too stupid for the technology. case and point, i have seen people receive a text message and then respond with "k"
- hd radio, i assume, is a waste of technology. i just don't see how "getting more of the same stations you love" is any improvement. radio sucks. hd radion may just mean that it sucks twice as hard.
- i don't need a smart phone. i don't. my friends may need one, but not me. i've stopped going to the phone store when it's time for a new cell phone because they always try to give me the most expensive phone. "oh, this one has a keyboard!" "i don't have a text or data plan!!! how many times do i have to tell you that?!" besides, smart phones are not actually phones. they are just multi-media devices with a phone attached.
addendum: the mystery of the digital camera
like many of you out there, i know someone who is kinda computer illiterate. she tried to plug a digital camera into her computer in order to put some picture files on. to give you an idea of how computer illiterate she is, last week, she tried to connect the camera without the wire. she spent 30 seconds trying to figure it out before someone asked her if she wanted the wire. this time, she did manage to connect the camera, but nothing happened when she did. i looked at her for about a minute gauging the situation before i came to my own conclusion of what she needed to do. she needed to turn the camera on. i did not immediately tell her what to do because she has pride and does not want it tarnished by asking me for help. i think that's the funniest part. if she asked, she'd be done in a third of the time.
i gave into myself and told her that the camera was not on. she said "it was on." "well, it's not now." i turned it on for her and the setup wizard thing popped up on her computer. she asked me if she needed to use the scanner wizard. i told her "no, you're not scanning anything. also, you don't have a scanner." in a haze of confusion, she unplugged the camera and plugged it back in. she finally chose the correct setup wizard and started reading the instructions very carefully when they popped up. let me stress that, she read the instructions carefully. when she clicked "next" to select the 2 pictures that she needed, she skipped reading the instructions for some strange reason and just went along with uploading the two pictures... and every other picture on the camera's memory card. so much for reading the instructions carefully. 5 minutes later, after every picture ever taken on that camera was on her computer, she ended up deleting all those pictures (including the two she wanted) and started the process all over again. 3 minutes later, she got the two pictures she wanted. it was kinda painful from the spectator's point of view watching the whole thing go down.
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