wow, what a day i had yesterday. my girlfriend and i went to nyc for a day of shopping and a comedy show. ironically, the day was basically a complete bombardment of insanity with the comedy club being the only sense of clarity. the first thing we did when we got into penn station was walk to get outside. there was a woman giving out cards, so i took one. it was advertising a lecture on dianetics. i said out loud, "dianetics?! fuck that!" and ripped it up. fucking scientologists. ALL HAIL LORD XENU!!! i'm all for religious tolerance, and i know how retarded it might sound for a magic guy to die for all mankind's sins, but that is more believable than aliens being sent to earth in DC-8s. besides, my messiah isn't a pedophile, so shove that up your ass with a spoonful of psychiatry.
then we went above ground and walked to macy's in herald square. when we went up, there were a group of people outside the citibank. at first, i thought they were protesting the gov't bailout of citigroup. then i saw one of the posters they had up. it looked like a puppy with devil horns. i thought to myself, "self, why would they think a puppy is the devil?" then i looked closely and saw that it wasn't actually a puppy, it was jesus. they had a poster of jesus with devil horns. i saw other posters they had, and it was of nuclear bombs blowing up. turns out the group of people had nothing to do with citibank. they were a group of black men holding up apocalyptic signs. later, barbara informed me that they were black hebrew israelites.
apparently, they believe that THEY are the true chosen people, not "mainstream jews". well, as a casual observer, let's analyze this logically. they had a sign of a devil jesus and signs that said america is going to hell. jews don't believe in the devil OR hell, so that's one strike against them. they believe solely in the old school torah. you know, the one with the story of exodus? the one where the the hebrews who escaped from egypt and got the 10 commandments from God were white? there's another paradox, strike 2. i asked my girlfriend if they had bar mitzvas and bat mitzvas. she said "no". if that's true, then techically those black hebrew israelites aren't really adults, are they? c'mon guys. i'm a gentile, and even i can make an argument for why you're not really jews. you know what you so-called black hebrew israelites are? black supremacists. you're using jews as a scapegoat for all the bad shit that has happened to you and that's been done to you. fucking black nazis. go read the new testament some time. "we've got a bigger book and a better character, you're gonna love him!" - lewis black
so after a lil while shopping in a nice warm macy's with barbara, i calmed down. we went next to times square. our original plan was to walk the 8 blocks, but it was just below freezing, so we nixed that idea. our destination: toys r us. in a related note, congrats to toys r us for beating out kb toys in the toy store wars. anyhow, i got a cornucopia of funky m&m colors in a plastic bag. yummy.
our next destination after that was victoria's secret, so we had to go back to herald square. on the way there, we saw people protesting outside of macy's with a tv set up showing a movie of a wolf being skinned alive while a furrier was standing on it's neck. i know fur is a i walked up to the woman standing next to the tv, and said "i don't know you people, but this is the wrong way to get attention." as barbara and i were walking away, some protester said quite possibly the stupidest thing he could say in a sarcastic tone: "what is the right way?" i think any common person knows that showing a video of aminal brutality is disgusting and a turnoff, especially to children. that's a total buzzkill for kids. it's not our job to protest, but we know that video isn't the way to do it. it IS this asshole's job to protest, and he can't think of a better way to do it. get a real job, you fucking baby.
barbara, thank you for allowing me to enter the victoria's secret without seeming like a skeevy weirdo, like that guy we saw feeling up the bras while we were on the line for the register.
walking back towards the sickos with the animal cruelty video, one of them gave me a pamphlet. aww, how nice. there's a picture of a wolf on it. i walked by another protester giving out the pamphlets, gave him my pamphlet, and said "here, YOU throw this away."
how is it that within a 1 block radius, we went from seeing the protestors for the far right to protestors from the far left? i hate the hardcore religious and the hardcore liberals. why? no sense of humor. without a sense of humor, you get desperate people making up a bowl of bullshit to justify keeping the jews at bay despite common logic. without a sense of humor, you get fucking hippies who are too serious and think it's perfectly ok to use disgusting scare tactics on everyone, young and old, to justify their worthless existence. everyone just needs to calm the fuck down, sit down, enjoy a joke or two, get drunk, and pass out. that is the path to world peace.
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