today’s rant: year in reflection, originally 12/22/08

well, what have i learned this year?

to start off, just in the past week, i've learned that if you want to truly appreciate the spirit of giving, stay the fuck away from new york city at christmas time.  everyone, EVERYONE is looking for a handout and it just sours the whole idea of a fraternity of humanity.  you'd much rather take a piss on those black hebrew israelites.  aw, what the fuck am i saying, i'd take a piss on them any day out of the year.

i've learned that my brother is a complete waste with no desire whatsoever.  on the positive side, i know i'm the more reliable sibling.

i've learned that the death of a major box office star can double a movie's earnings, a la heath ledger.  why did he have to die and not the westboro babtist church psychopaths that wanted to protest at his funeral because he was a "gay enabler?"  i don't know about you, but that ugly wife of the founder needs a good pounding and fast because she looks like no one has fucked her for 40 years.

i've learned that it takes a shitload of work just to start one little ol' a cappella group.  we've been trying to get this off the ground of almost a year so far.

i've learned that alcohol and a boat doesn't settle well with me.  i'm keeping my drinking on solid land.

i've learned i'm much happier in a relationship than being single.

i've learned what the fuck a "hannah montana" is and i still don't give a shit.  they were playing that god forsaken show in my dentist office one day when i had to get a tooth drilled.  i realized why halfway through my appointment.  getting your tooth drilled is a fuck of a lot better than paying attention to hannah montana.

i've learned that sarah palin and all of the bitches on "the view" are the STUPIDEST WOMEN ON TELEVISION!!!!  we should gas them and then donate their brains to science so we know what to look for when diagnosing children who are "special".

i've learned that brett favre still has it.  even if the jets don't go to the playoffs, he meshed very well with the team this year.  on a related note, i've learned that eli manning should never be compared to his brother peyton anymore.  he has nothing else he needs to prove to anyone.

i've learned that economic stimulus packages don't do jack shit.  can anyone honestly say it helped them in the least?  i would've been happier with just a trip to six flags in jersey.  that would've stimulated a hell of a lot more out of me than the government could've ever accomplished.  hey everyone, BUY LOW!!!  now is the perfect time to start because the next few years will be awesome.

i've learned that i'm happy with my cynicism, because it keeps me in check with all of the bullshit that is out there.  what have you learned?