i went to my brother's graduation last sunday. at least their gowns looked tasteful, plain and simple black. on the other hand, the professor's gowns were anything but. it seemed to me that each one of the professor's gowns was different from each other. it's as if each one got on the show "pimp my gown" to add their own unique touches. there was this old lady in a gown that had hydraulics in her shoes and she had 22" rims for earrings that were spinning. another professor had a mini flat screen tv on top of his graduation hat.
i tried my blue gown on today to get a feel for it. unlike my bro, who didn't have to wear a collar thing, all the bachelor's at stony brook have to wear one. it has to be the stupidest and most nonfunctional piece of shit i have ever worn. it has to be draped behind you with some pieces of it folded a certain way. i tried folding it correctly in front of a mirror. put simply, it looked like i had a blue and gold striped vagina wrapped around my neck. let me paint a more accurate picture: if the collar is the vagina, then my skull is the little man in the boat. that is what my mom and grandma have to look forward to when they sit down, an ocean of blue vaginas (definitely one thing i never thought i would say). what do you expect for $50 a gown?
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