today's rant: 4th of july, originally 7/2/07

"today, we celebrate our independence day!", independence day
quite frankly, i haven't celebrated independence day in a looooooooong time, and you know it's a long time because i used 9 o's in the word "long".  it's nontuple.  for the better part of high school and college, i've always worked on the 4th of july watching people at country clubs enjoy their holiday.  i've worked, i've sweated, and i've literally gotten sick working 4th of july.  i can remember at least two years when the heat was too much for me.  it doesn't take much because i get heat exhaustion easily.  when that happens, get out of the way because i'm gonna puke.  i'm like a mother bird feeding her young, except my young is a toilet and there's snot hanging out of my nose.  film that for the discovery channel.  it should be interesting.

most oddly enough, i've witnessed a fight between coworkers at a 4th of july party.  it was hilarious and sad at the same time.  the fight was between barry, the largest (350 lb.) asshole in the world, and his friend willie.  from what i heard afterward, they had been fighting about $10 all throughout the day.  i know that doesn't seem like much, but keep in mind:  $10 can buy a 3-course meal at taco bell.  at about 8:30, after the fireworks had stopped, it came to a head.  i didn't see how the fight started, but i heard yelling and looked up to see them going at it while the country club members were leaving.  they watched as these two duked it out.  for the sake of maintaining the image of professionalism (because we really didn't give a shit), we tried to break up the fight.  i feel supremely sorry for the coworkers that had to grab barry to break up the fight.  for a person to lay their hands on a 350 lb., 5'2" man, it makes them want to blow their hands up with an M80.  they had to attempt to manhandle this sweaty, gelatinous, ameoba-like mothefucker.  the only two people i would wish that upon are osama bin laden and g.w. bush.

update, july 3:  i just remembered something:  the fight wasn't on the 4th of july... it was labor day.  i really don't give a fuck, but they both had fireworks.

i think it sucks that it is illegal to purchase fireworks in new york state.  you have to go to pennsylvania or, if you want the good shit, go to the north/south carolina border.  come the fuck on.  let me buy them.  if i'm stupid enough to blow my hand up while attempting to light a firework, let me.  it's my own punishment and no law need apply.  i don't need to go to jail if i'm handless.  i wouldn't survive 3 minutes.  if anyone else gets hurt, it's their own fault for not standing back enough.  if you want to see some decent fireworks without having to go to a crowded park risking the park being full, make friends with a cop.  you absolutely know that they have some sort of hookup at the evidence locker for all the confiscated fireworks over the past few weeks.  it's not like their cop friends are going to arrest them, are you fucking kidding me?  that is your task.  in the next 24 hours, make friend's with a cop and get invited to their BBQ.