the media circus around the death of playboy playmate turned drunken blimp anna nicole smith has been very enlightening. i never new news corporations had nothing better to do in february. if they were smart, they would've milked that groundhog not seeing its shadow for all it was worth, but no. they decided to dig deep down into their intestines and pull out whatever shit they had. ladies and gentlemen, we have returned to the glory days of the monica lewinsky scandal and the oj simpson trial. on your mark, get set, puke.
i was on party poker when i found out she was dead. the tournament i was in was coming to a close and i was on the final table. i turned on cnn and wolf blitzer was reporting that smith was dead at age 39. ironically for me, that was great news because i won the poker tournament. at the end, i stood up and said "whoo! thank you anna for sacrificing yourself so that i could win." (it's a joke, don't get uppity) i wish to god that would've been the last of the news reporting, but time now stands still. everyday is just one blur after another of seeing it over and over again. i try my sincere hardest to not hear any "breaking news" about this media shit fest. the only things i know for certain is that there is a man named howard k. stern and that no one fucking knows where a 6-month old baby is. besides that, i don't want to know any more, but an important question needs to be answered. when she was alive, apparantly no one gave a shit about who was the father of her child, not even the possible sperm donors. besides the fact that a baby needs a father, why is everyone suddenly concerned now that there is no definite father? did everyone wake up and remember "uh, wait a minute, i think we forgot something .......... is there someone missing from this picture?" why was no one concerned when she was alive? speaking of wondering who the father is, how creepy is that being with her in the state she was in recently and trying to keep a staight face by remembering what she used to look like 10 years ago? how many times did each of those guys have to revert back to a "happy place" in their minds when knocking her up? unfortunately, i went home last weekend and my mom asked me "what do you think of that howard k. stern?" i stared at her in complete awe that she would ask me something as trivial as that. then i threw a piece of broccoli at her and she got a sprout in her eye. she deserved it. that's what she gets for watching all those entertainment news shows.
one thing that i see on fox news a lot when i flip through the channels is "the refrigerator of death". is that a new fad? when someone kicks the bucket, do people take photos of what is in their fridge? i'll save the photographer the trouble. when i go, i'll probably have a half-empty carton of fat-free milk, 5 cases of coke, some orange juice with the added calcium, some american cheese, and a steak thawing out. why would someone put medicine in a refrigerator? if it's not liquid medication, it doesn't need to be in there. i don't know who put it in there, but it doesn't belong there. i put a TV remote in the refrigerator by accident once, but i can't see how pills can end up there without some sort of mental lapse or it was staged there for the cameras. in either case, medicine doesn't belong there. act normal and put it thrown about by the bed. that's where it belongs. saddest part is that i'm sure there are more important parts of the hotel room to show on TV, but the refrigerator takes precedence. somebody remind fox news to photograph the fridge of courtney love when she withers and falls apart. that's sure to be more interesting.
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