when i'm flipping through the channels, sometimes i happen upon these shows in the morning. unfortunately for me, i'm stupid enough to believe that something good could be on broadcast TV in the morning besides "the price is right". i haven't really watched these shows since 10th grade, but when i glance at them once in a while, i'm disappointed to see that the shows haven't changed much in the past 6 years. i don't know who writes the stuff, but they need to take some kind of mind-enhancing drugs so that they can come up with some new ideas for shows.
out of the two shows, i liked maury better. it's not that i got tired of lesbians fighting each other on springer, but i got more joy out of people on maury making asses out of themselves. nothing could brighten my morning better than some teenage mother, who swears that she never cheated, find out that the asshole ex-boyfriend isn't the father. the tears that stream down their faces are worth their weight in gold, because they are made of surprise compounded by televised humiliation and a reputation ruined. what's even more special is that the moms bring more and more guys on the show, only to find out they didn't father the kid either.
it's at that point that i start to question the credibility of the show. unfortunately for me, being a guy, i have a need for things to make sense. so, i try to average out the number of guys that the moms claim to be the father versus the possible time of conception. for some of these moms, they would've had to have sex with three different guys every day for a week in order to come up with the list of possible fathers. that logic escapes me. that got tiring to watch.
i know springer is fake. i don't care if jerry calls me up to try to convince me otherwise. i swear that they just find some random people in alabama, give 'em gas to drive their pickup truck to chicago, give 'em $50 to come on the show, and tell them what to say and do on the show. don't believe me? go to alabama and ask any adult for a copy of their resume. after they figure out what a resume is, read it and i guarantee that "jerry springer" will be on the list of work experience.
it took me a longer time to stop watching maury. part of it was because i was sick and tired of seeing the shows with deformed people, the shows where the audiences guess who's a woman and who's a drag queen, and those geek-to-gorgeous shows. the only real reason to watch maury is to watch moms find out their men didn't father their kids and to watch the people with fucked up fears. go to break.com and type in "maury". you'll see a woman afraid of pickles, a guy afraid of peaches, and a woman afraid of balloons. you'll watch them and think to yourself, "self, i'd love to smack that lady in the face with a pickle" or "i'd just love to throw a peach at that fat fuck's head". i seriously believe maury gets off on watching those people get scared shitless when the stage hands bring barrels of peaches or a cluster of balloons on stage.
before i sign off, i'll just end with something i saw on tv today. i saw coverage of bush at a church in NYC today and the american boys choir was singing. i could tell that they've been trained to sing because the words didn't sound natural. all of the vowels were rounded out and their mouths were wide open in order to "project" as us singers call it. i just couldn't help but wonder "...i wonder if they practiced with a priest." let that stew for a moment. still don't get it? ok. boys... wide open mouths... pederast priest... i don't think i need to explain anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment