the following is a list of some of my favorite quotes from TV and movies:
"Do you think there was a reason the killer sodomized him with a banana?" - law & order: SVU
"MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken" and "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college" - lewis black
"I'm Rick James, bitch" - Dave Chappelle
"I'm the Juggernaut, bitch! - X-men 3
"You get your ass out there and you find that fuckin' dog!" - Adam Sandler, Billy Madison
"You can do it! Cut his fucking head off!" - Rob Scheider, The Waterboy
"Hey Butthead, is it normal for the inside of your bunghole to itch?" and "I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!" - beavis, beavis & butthead
"Don't hurt Nathan!" - meatwad, aqua teen hunger force
"Everything was working just fine until the power grid was shut down by dickless here." "They caused an explosion!" "Is this true?" "Yes, it's true. This man has no dick." - Ghostbusters
"You think there's some connection between this "Vigo" character and the...slime?" "Is the atomic weight of Cobalt 58.9?" - Ghostbusters 2
"No one can resist my Schweaty Balls." - Alec Baldwin, SNL
"There you go, you little porch monkey. Oh, it's OK. I'm taking it back." - Clerks 2
"Respect my authori-tah!" - Eric Cartman, South Park
"I eated the purple berries...ow..oooh...ohhhaaaa..." "How are they, Ralph? Good?" "The taste...like...burning!", "My cat's breath smells like cat food", and "Can you open my milk, Mommy?" "I'm not Mommy, Ralph. I'm Miss Hoover." - the simpsons
"Let's do this. I'm a cashew" - dane cook
the east coast is prepping for another vicious asshole to turn your car upside down and inside out ending up on your neighbor's garage, and his name is ernesto. for some reason, that doesn't strike fear to me. here's the reason: my middle name is ernest and it hasn't really worked for my benefit. if i was born 100 years ago and "the importance of being ernest" was just released, i'd have girls flocking to me as if i farted AXE body spray. in that play, two guys tell the women they want to get with that their name is ernest, and the women basically throw themselves at them. if that was the case today, i'm sure women would overlook the fact that i'm not that good looking. but now, i'm 0 for 2: i'm hit with the ugly stick and i have a pussy middle name. thanks, mom and dad. could be worse, my middle name could be "richard" (take that, james!).
who knows, maybe hurricane ernesto...or is it tropical storm? i don't fuckin know. maybe ernesto will revive some respect for the name. maybe i can roam the streets of port jeff screaming "I am Ernest! Bow down before me or I will smote you!"
i'm watching the mets/rockies game right now and i'm reminded of something. you want to know why coors light beer tastes like piss? because i pissed in the river that feeds into the coors brewing factory in colorado 12 years ago. keep that in mind: whenever you drink a coors light, you're drinking a small part of my piss. don't be shocked. like i'm the only person to have ever done that?
again, it's that time of the month for mother nature, just like the end of last month with those flash floods and hail. maybe ernesto can give her a good fucking and she'll lighten up a bit. congrats to slapdash graduate for moving to round 2 of "star tomorrow" can't wait to see you guys live. again, feel free to leave comments, complaints, ideas in response to these posts (if anyone ever reads them)
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