i recently heard that there was a manhunt for a polish man who is wanted by police for failure to appear at court. he was supposed to go to court because he was arrested for farting in response to being asked about how he felt about the polish president. i'm guessing the conversation went like this: cops, "show some respect for our president!", man, *pppfffft!*. this got me thinking of what else is going on outside the U.S. that is considered news. here's what i've found so far.
in the yunnan province in china, a fight broke out at the chinese "ethnic minority games". it is a national competition held every year to promote unity in china. such events include blow-pipe darts and horse riding (i'll let you come to your own conclusions about that). anyway, after the women's dragon-boat race, other competitors "complained of 'big women with Adam's apples'". it was then found out that many of those boat racers were men in drag. there was also mention of two rival teams brawling after a wrestling match that resulted in one of the teams being chased away by a local gang wielding knives and sticks called by the other team. "Coaches blamed the unruly scenes on the pressures of having career advancement linked to results." yeah. who doesn't want dragon-boat racing or blow-pipe darts on their resume? the title of the article: "Ethnic Games Tainted by Cross-Dressing Cheats". apparently, a gang-related fight isn't more scandalous than guys wearing wigs wanting to win a boat race.
in india, an elementary school principle has started a program to wean his students and faculty off of alcohol. he said "When I took over I found the children were slow to react and learn." give them a break, it's 9 in the morning. give 'em a few hours and they'll perk right up. they might need a little coffee, but they'll perk right up. his solution: make an honor role for kids that abstain from alcohol. and we're wondering why we're loosing jobs to people over there. if we're sober and we can't keep up with Indian elementary schools that are churning out alcoholics, there isn't something wrong with them…there is something wrong with us. outsourcing my ass!
a 25-year-old brazilian man confessed to stoning 5 women. Yes. He went to a police station and told them that he stoned 5 women to death. the only problem was that the brazilian police could not arrest him. "why" you may ask? because brazilian electoral law prohibits anyone from being arrested 5 days before a general election and 2 days after a general election unless they are caught in the act. the law was "designed to ensure fair elections". that's right. you can pull a Kevin Spacey in "Se7en" and walk in to a police station with blood all over you and the cops can't do jack shit. What genius thought that law up? who in their right goddamn mind thinks that a person who routinely breaks the law is going to take the time to enjoy the democratic process of voting? Are you out of your fucking skull? Did you snort glue when you came up with that law? Starting yesterday, the brazilian police started looking for him. I guess they thought that since he confessed a first time, he'd come back because he was so overrun with guilt.
update 10/5: just to prove i don't have the time or energy to make up this shit, here's another: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061005/ap_on_fe_st/language_police
in a nutshell, malaysia fines people who don't speak perfect malaysian. and i used to think we were the most uptight people on the planet. it's no secret at stony brook that there are a lot of foreign transfer students. as a writing tutor, i'm exposed to it every fucking day. i've got three words for malaysia: DEAL WITH IT!!! how big does the bug in your ass have to be to charge people money who don't speak the language the way you want? you're fucking insane! fuck you and your "world's largest building"!
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