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Saturday, December 31, 2011

today's rant: stream of consciousness, originally 11/11/06

a stream of consciousness is when someone writes down the first things that come to mind.  let's give it a shot, shall we?

nancy grace is still a self-righteous bitch.  why the fuck was it so cold last week but warmer this week?  i need to play more video games.  chili's baby back ribs...bar-b-que sauce.  holy shit...my cough is gone.  now i just jinxed it, fuck.

i miss my laptop.  this laptop sucks.  hear me, james?  your laptop sucks shit.  can't even watch a divx movie file on this piece of shit.  so much fuckin spyware and viruses.  what the fuck did you do to this thing, give it an STD?  internet porn does not mean you have sex with the computer.  i'm sorry you had to learn that the hard way.  my laptop is broken because the prong in the power socket in the back snapped.  if someone offers you an extended warranty on a laptop...for the love of cookies, take it.  when it expires, just buy another one.  beats the hell out of coughing up another $1000 for a new laptop.  why the fuck do cars get more and more expensive?  technology is supposed to get cheaper as it improves.  not cars, oh no.  $90/hr for repairs?  300 for a plastic fuel pump?  i better get a blow job out of the deal.

i love berries in dessert.  fuckin awesome.  smoothies, shakes, ice cream, cheesecake, pie, cake, the list goes on and on.  put some chocolate in the mix, i could blow a fruity, chocolatey load (dane cook reference).  where does stony brook get off charging over $4 for a container of fruit?  vince mcmahon is a dick.  he is a flaccid, 60-year-old dick.

occasionally when i'm hired to give out cotton candy and kids piss me off, i think about sticking the cotton candy in their hair.  i don't mean shoving it in their hair.  i want to just lightly graze their head with the cotton candy.  why?  because when they reach back to feel what's going on, they push it in their hair themselves.  that way, their hands are stuck to their head.  i'd love to watch them cry while they inadvertently pull their hair out of their head.  like the saying goes, the best things in life are free.

whoever invented dental floss was one sadistic fuck.  the fall sucks.  quiznos is too fucking expensive.  for a 12" sub, prices range from $8.50 to $10.  at subway, a 12" sub is $5.50.  quiznos' justification is that they put in more meat.  steaming pile of boiling bullshit.  the meat portions are the same and the bread is smaller.  it's an optical illusion.  you know what else is an optical illusion?  michael jackson's penis.  at least i guess it is...

weekend TV sucks.  movies all day on cable with the words and scenes butchered worse than tara reid's tits (i'm no plastic surgeon, but i thought nipples were supposed to be round).  the only thing half-worth seeing is SNL and football.

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