drug companies, originally 6/30/06

i'll begin with a simple question:  who prescribes drugs and medications?  if you graduated kindergarten, you'd know the answer is a doctor, and you deserve a cookie for knowing that.  if something is wrong with you phisiologically, your doctor will put on a rubber glove, grab your nuts, ask you to cough, and then immediately know what's wrong with you and give you some medication.  it's truly amazing, bravo to them.  we trust doctors because of their knowledge of medicine and human biology.  the moment that a TV commercial tells me what drugs i need to take and how my body works, i might as well stick my hand on a hot stove because it would remind me how much of an idiot i am.

i see no reason whatsoever for drug commercials.  a drug company trying to convince me that i need to take a pill is like me taking financial advice from a homeless person.  all the commercials try to do is to exploit a person's medical issues in favor of their drug by telling them that they need that medication.  the day i walk into the doctor's office knowing exactly what medicine i need to make me feel better, i am smarter than the doctor.  that's what the commercials are trying to convince us.  they want me to go in and say "i'm a depressed/impotent/fat/allergic son of a bitch!  get me these drugs, you prick!"  perhaps you've seen the fat burning pill commercial that costs $153 a bottle.  if you're lazy enough to pay $153 for a fat burner, you deserve to be fat.  do yourself a favor:  take the money and buy a bicycle.  in the time it takes for the pills to fully take effect (that is if they even work), you could bike the fat off and even pump the crisco out of your arteries.

the only thing worse than forcing pills down our throats is the side-effects.  at least the government was smart enough to force these assholes to list all the ways the pills can go wrong.  let's see, there's burning sensation, bleeding, diahreea, vomiting, loss of apetite, decreased semen count, 4-hour erection, dehydration, mood swings, and my personal favorite, loss of bladder control.  most of them say " women should not take if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant."  from what i've noticed, if a woman is between the ages of 12 and 60, she may become pregnant.  therefore, only women who are in elementary school or in menopause should take those pills.  the beautiful part is that some of the side effects are the exact opposite of what you're taking the pill for.  "over-active bladder?  take this.  warning:  you may piss your pants while sleeping in the middle of the night, sitting down, walking, standing, and your dick may fall off."  and people wonder why some of these drugs aren't FDA approved.

wow, another rant has come and gone, and i didn't even say fuck...ah, there it is.  fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.