today's rant: comedy show, originally 9/28/06

One week from today, there is going to be a comedy show at good 'ol SBU.  Not only that, but you have to pay to go to it.  This is unlike most SBU comedy shows because they are usually free for students.  The last two times students had to pay to see a comedy show at SBU, it was Dave Chappelle and two of the guys from "Whose Line Is It Anyway" doing an improv show.  So I immediately think "pay to see comedy?  it must be good".  Then I looked closer at the little fuck flyer.  "VH1 Best Week Ever Live".  I cannot say "no" fast enough.  The student activities board has fucked up again.

I should've suspected something was wrong just by the shape of the flyer.  It's the same flyers that clubs/bars use to promote whatever Thursday night college promotion they're having (by the way, the Girls Gone Wild promotion, grossly overhyped).  As soon as I saw "VH1", I wanted to splash my eyes with hydrochloric acid.  In case you haven't noticed, VH1 is MTV for white people.  Always has, always will be.  It doesn't matter that neither of them don't play music anymore, it's still MTV's white roommate that's afraid to tell any race jokes for fear of getting a cap in his ass.  I cannot expect anything good from the network that brought me "Pop Up Video" and endless upon endless "poking-fun-at-pop-culture" comedy shows.  "I Love the 70s/80s/90s", "Best Week/Month/Trimester Ever", god-fucking-damnit!

It is physically impossible to watch one straight episode of any of those shows.  The human body cannot handle it.  Your asshole clenches to the point where it takes 5 hours to loosen it up before you can take a shit again.  To have that happen in a live setting, the volunteer ambulance corps would have to be on stand-by at every exit of the auditorium.  The list of D-list comedians expected for the live performance are the same mind-dumbing assholes that make your bowels howl in pain that you see on TV.  Even the fat guy with the trucker hat from the Dave Matthews Band music video (the one who hugs everyone) is gonna be there.  The only ray of hope for the entire show is Roz from "Last Comic Standing".  As funny as I think she is, I don't think she can save this bunch of crap from being flushed down the toilet.

To think that I was going to rant about my car's "check engine" light being on all the time.  Maybe next time, boys and girls.