i've started my new job as an asbestos analyzer in an environmental consulting lab. i basically count fibers that are caught in a filter and placed under a microscope. that's right: they hired me to count. i'm not saying that they can't count themselves, of course they can. they just have more stuff to count in the summer time because more construction/destruction is done during the summer, so they hire more people. i'm not complaining about the work...at least not yet. what sucks is the ride back after work.
i've found out that it doesn't matter which way you go on the southern state pkwy during afternoon rush hour traffic. you're fucked, no matter what. i'm not even going to whine about why people can't pick up the speed, it's useless. it's like trying to get cats in heat to stop humping each other, it can't be done. instead, i try to think of something else while stuck in traffic. for example, i saw a motorcyclist on the LIE sitting on the side of the road with his legs awkwardly positioned. then i looked on the other side of the road to see his motorcycle smashed in more pieces than david spade's self esteem. so i look back at the cyclist and i could've sworn he was going "sssssssssssssss.... aaaaaaaaaaah" like peter griffin when he scrapes his knee. it sucks that the guy was in pain, but i thought that particular part was funny.
thinking about stuff like that sure beats listening to most radio stations. believe me, there is only so many times you can hear the same songs over and over again before listening to 1010 WINS sounds like a good idea. if you live near the city or in nassau, i'm refering to z100. if you live further out on LI, i'm referring to wbli. it doesn't matter, one is just the clone of the other. it is a guarantee that during one hour on those stations, you will listen to a kelly clarkson song, a sean paul song, and that song by nick lachey where he's whining about his divorce. i know this because i had the unfortunate duty of doing my boss' errands in a van with a shitty CD player. on the ride to drop off something in bay shore, i heard those three singers. on the ride back from bay shore, i felt like i was caught in a temporal nexus because i could've sworn i heard those singers before during that trip. i never considered drinking nyquil behind the wheel in order to dull the pain until then.
to those radio stations, i say the following: learn to be creative. there are plenty of other bands and singers that you could substitute in to mix it up a bit. play something from the 90s that was semi-popular. i'm sure some people still remember it. don't just play a different song from a singer and claim to play a mix of music. that's like spitting in my food and saying it has "special sauce" on it. get your thumb out of your ass, give a new song a try, and go fist yourself.
until next time, my fragile snowflakes, keep cool.
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