more random ideas, originally 8/22/06

you ever notice that the slow drivers are always in the middle lane of a 3-lane highway?

ever wonder what sex in space is like?  maybe it's like sex underwater, except no air hoses and no swimmer's ear.  beware, space-sex pun coming:  zero-g-spot. get it?  zero-g?  g-spot?  hahaha. (awkward silence)

i was at stony brook yesterday getting a new id card because my old one was breaking.  i passed a tree and there was a squirrel in the tree.  i started thinking "how come i've never seen squirrel poop before?  i see bird poop all the time"

speaking of squirrels, i think the squirrel from "ice age" had OCD.  he couldn't leave well enough alone, that last acorn just had to fit with the other 341,849 acorns in that tree.

why are all the asshole bankers in the washington mutual commercials white?  that's racial profiling!

nancy grace is a self-serving bitch.

law & order commercials need to stop saying that the original is the best.  bullshit.  SVU is the best.  jerry orbach, r.i.p., can't give my brother an erection like chirs meloni can.  any tv actor that can do that has my vote.  mariska hargatay is a definate milf, can i get an amen?
(update 8/28)  correction:  definate emmy award-winning milf, can i get an amen?

my brother keeps asking me why i don't play world of warcraft.  one day i told him "for the same reason you don't suck dick:  because you don't want to."  i have no reason why that came to mind first, but that's what i said and i stand by it.

"just write any ol' shit."  this is advice i've gotten from my grandmother.  keep in mind, she has a doctorate in English.  "just write any ol' shit."  i actually tell this to students who i tutor.  and now, i pass it on to you.

i wonder if there is any college that really has an "underwater basket weaving" class.  i bet the material would have to be dipped in water sealer first.

to any of my friends (if you read this), if you need to contact me, you're gonna have a hard time calling me since my new apt is a dead zone.  your best chance is to message/email me.  VOTE FOR SLAPDASH GRADUATE ON STAR TOMORROW!!!