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Thursday, December 29, 2011

today's rant: soccer (again), monkeys, and movie previews, originally 7/11/06

a headbutt to the chest?  what a pussy.  then again, he's french, so i'm not surprised that he's a pussy.  probably why they lost.  if you're gonna headbutt someone, headbutt them in the head.  fuck, be traditional with a punch in the face or the gut.  even a good ol' fashioned kick in the nuts.  the idea is to cause some visible damage.  all he proved is that he'd rather be remembered for being an bunghole whose career is tarnished by a half-assed attempt to imitate a ram or a goat.  fuck him right in the ear.  it's a show.  the entire world cup is a show.  it's just like professional wrestling.  people pretend to be injured, the athleticism is pushed aside by drama, and men in very little clothing bump into each other on a constant basis.  it's "sports entertainment" all over again.  jesus tap dancing christ!  thank god that shit is over.

you know what?  fuck soccer players in general.  just get a bunch of monkeys, put them on a field, throw out a soccer ball, and let the hilarity ensue.  that is something i'd be willing to see.  no acting injured, maybe the occasional monkey fight, and plenty of monkey goodness.  everytime they get a goal, give them a banana.  everytime they throw their own crap at another monkey & hits them, give them 2 bananas.  winner of a monkey fight gets 5 bananas.  ooooooh, better idea:  monkey hockey.  who wouldn't love to watch those little fuckers try to ice skate with a stick in their hands?  it'll be hard enough since they're used to having their dicks in their hands, but it'll be worth it.  same rules for the bananas apply, of course.  i'm sure my old roomie would love to referee that shit.

so i saw "pirates of the carribean 2" this past weekend.  movie was slated to start at 2:30, which actually means that the movie reviews will start at 2:45 and the movie starts at 3.  so, while i was sitting in my chair during the previews, the only thing that went through my mind (besides "my balls itch") was thinking how much money the movie announcer must make a year.  you know who i'm talking about.  it's the same guy in every single movie review. he's probably 85 years old hooked up to a dialysis machine.  he says the most unoriginal tag lines.  "(person's name) is a very (adjective) person.  (pronoun) likes to (verb).  but this (holiday), (possesive pronoun) is going to (new verb)."  IT'S A FUCKING MADLIB!!!  that's probably how they get movie ideas.  they buy a madlib book, fill in random words, then write a script based on it.  then they pay that guy to read it.  it's so fucking simple.  don't have a GED?  just be by that guy's deathbed when he croaks, take his job, and you'll be set for life.  all you have to do read and speak.  you don't even have to think or know what you're talking about.  hey, that would be perfect job for g.w. bush after he leaves office.

i'm not an angry person, i just think this shit is weird.  plus, i like to write stuff.  these three were just random topics.  ideas or comments are welcome.   g'night

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