only one rant this week. i've been delayed trying to get my laptop fixed. earlier this year, one of the hinges on the laptop screen snapped, so a piece of metal tore up the inside of the screen's casing whenever i'd put the screen up or down. i tried to file a warranty claim, but they said that broken hinges are "cosmetic damage" and do not prohibit the normal functions of the computer since the screen itself still worked. so, as i expected, the second hinge broke earlier this week. i tried to file a claim again, and the woman on the phone again said that it was "cosmetic damage". at that point, i wanted to punch her in the nose, giving her "cosmetic damage", then ask her "wouldn't you want that fixed too?"
the last time i checked, a laptop functions by putting the screen up and staying up. if i put the screen up and it falls, guess what? that's...not...normal. my solution to the problem: i pulled some wires inside the laptop, so now the screen doesn't work. i filed a claim again, and NOW they'll fix it.
it's subtle things like pulling wires that get things done the way you want them. subtlety is the key. you can't just take a hammer to a computer, go donkey kong on its ass, and expect them to fix it. be discrete. for example, if you have an asshole parking their car in front of your house, don't do something obvious like keying the car. i once had a cop park his yellow H2 in front of my house constantly. first thing that came to my mind was that he was overcompensating for something, and being a cop didn't compensate enough. i'm willing to bet that he didn't tell his cop friends that his H2 was yellow. if he did, they'd probably give him a blanket party. if you want to get back at someone like that, wait until night, go out to the car, and piss in his gastank. if you want to be craftier, figure out a way to pop open his hood, take his air filter out, and lay a stanley steamer right on it.
it's the apex of the summer, and that means all the bad drivers are out in force. my biggest peeve is drivers who talk on their cell phones while driving. i'm not talking about people who have a hands-free set, but the people who hold their phones up to their ears when driving. the reason why that's my biggest peve is that i was actually hit by a lady while i was riding my bike back in high school. what do you know, she blew a stop sign and was talking on her cell phone. a few weeks ago, i saw a quadfecta (that's right, not a trifecta, a quadfecta) of bad driving stereotypes. it was (1)an elderly...(2)asian...(3)woman...(4)talking on her cell phone. i thought that was as bad as it could get...until i thought of how it could've been a quintfecta stereotype if her phone was a camera phone and she was taking pictures.
i hope no one is dumb enough to take the things i write literally. it's meant to be funny. if you can't see that, there's something wrong with you. before i go, props to high c's founder gary and the guys from slapdash graduate for making it to "star tomorrow" on NBC. if you're an acapella fan, vote for them online when they appear.
No comments:
Post a Comment