my daughter's glow-worm plays pachelbel's canon, and it got me thinking. you know what you call that shotgun-like expulsion of poop out of your ass after eating too much mexican food? taco bell's cannon.
i was driving home for the last mile down my street, and i started noticing how many houses have the solar-powered lamps that they put in the ground around their house. i couldn't help but think that the more solar-powered lights that they had around the house, the more i noticed that those lights don't illuminate jack shit. they light up just enough to notice them, but if you're walking up to the front steps, you're shit out of luck. chances are that you're going to step on the family pet because the lamps won't even light up the grass underneath. the only real practical use of those solar panels is to hard-wire them to your cellphone charger. if you must buy a solar-powered lamp, do not buy them from the christmas tree shoppe for $1. they won't work. as a matter of fact, do yourself a favor and don't buy anything from x-mas tree shoppe for $1.
when my wife was in the second grade, if she had an bathroom "accident", it was always with one particular set of leggings. it was her new kids on the block leggings. ironically enough, "oh--oh--OH-Oh-oh" is the exact sound you would make if there was crap and pee running down your legs as you would try to pull your pants down fast enough.
i recommend everyone reading this should bookmark rick astley's "never gonna give you up" on youtube. why? the next time a telemarketer calls you at 8am on a sunday morning because they have no souls, click on the bookmark, crank the volume as high as it can go, and hold the phone to the speakers. it's not illegal to do that. i wish this was my idea, but i got the idea where i get most of my other good ideas: the internet.
the results of the whitney huston autopsy are in. and the winner of the "what was the cause of death" bet is a three-way-tie between anyone who said "drowning", "heart failure", and "drugs". i think it's fair to say that 95% of people said drugs, so congratulations to everyone.
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