One night, my wife said to me "Can I ask you something?" I said "Yes.". My wife then farted, then followed up with "That's not what I wanted to say!" I responded, "Well, it's a good thing I didn't have a re-butt-al." I swear to Alanis Morissette, that conversation actually took place. It's one of the best witty remarks I made in my life.
I occasionally get emails from vendors asking for me to connect them with others at my job to get them to buy stuff. I love not doing anything with the emails, because it yields the best results. By not forwarding them, I am not spreading potential bullshit to others at my job. By not replying, they send follow-up emails a few weeks later, and thus they are wasting time chasing down a lead that will get them nothing. You would be surprised by how many follow-up emails these people would send trying to get some sort of business. There's no joke here; I just think it's the best thing I could do in the situation.
I am eating cheese and crackers and my dog is staring at me. "Daddy, I wanna cheez!" "No. You shit on the floor and you are scared of the bell I got to train you to signal to go outside." "Daddy, I wanna pee on da rugz!"
I got my 2nd COVID booster last Saturday. I had a sore arm for 2 days but no other side effects. No testicle enlargement, no bloodthirst, no butthole bleaching, nothing. So if you haven't received any of the COVID shots at this point, you are the lagging edge of evolution and I hope nature cuts you off soon. Do yourself a favor and go back to what your favorite conspiracy theorists were saying would happen to people to got the shots, then come back to our reality and count how many of those ideas actually came true.
I read a bumper sticker that had the "don't tread on me" snake on it, but the caption read "my rights don't end where your feelings begin". This bumper sticker was right next to a "Let's go Brandon" sticker. With that stupid piss-flag snake signifying a Republican car owner, I could not help but think that the phrase "my rights don't end where your feelings begin" would also fit just as well on a Democrat's car. Therefore, the whole phrase is meaningless in the context of political affiliation. If both sides can say exactly the same thing, and have it mean something to their base by implying the underlying political opinions and platforms, then they cancel each other out by being not explicit enough. This is why I don't stop at calling conservatives "snowflakes", because they use the term as well. I go the extra step and mock them for their discomfort for various specific things, like Lola Bunny's tits not being big enough.
I am more against the Dim Reaper than I am in favor of Biden. I would prefer if someone else on the Democratic side ran in 2024, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen at this point. I am still praying for a schism within the Republican party that burns the whole fucking thing to the ground.
When it comes to the riot on Jan 6, 2021, I have reached the point where I am confident that old Commander in Queef will die before any criminal charges are upon him. Maybe the Justice Department should find something to charge his kids with in order to force him to make a 150-year plea bargain like Bernie Madoff took.
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