when the primaries started, i had my preference of candidates. the list was: giuliani, obama, mccain, edwards, clinton, huckabee, romney. romney was on the very bottom because he's an idiot and he likes to kill kittens. he looks like the type who has a little dirty section in the back of his mind that he reverts to when he buys a shovel from home depot and rents out an animal shelter for a day. his face looks like he can go from former candidate to evil sociopath in 1.6 seconds.
huckabee and romney were on the bottom because they're overly religious. if GWB has taught me anything, it's that religion needs to stay the fuck out of the white house. i just noticed the irony. bush and cheney made their money from Big Oil, yet they support creationism, the idea that the earth was created in 7 days several millenia ago. crude oil and other fossil fuels took 150 million years to make. so that means that they made their money from a fuel that took several million years to make, yet they believe the earth is only several thousand years old. the fact that this schmucky pair was elected, then RE-elected, makes me want to move to canada. because if i'm going to be drunk enough to live in a reality in which that is the religious position of the leaders of the free world, i'm doing it in canada, where high-quality beer runs as free as a river. only canadian beer can dull that kind of pain. try taking care of a 12-pack of molson XXX by yourself, you'll know what i'm talking about. this is why we cannot have overly religious people running the white house.
nowadays, my preference of candidates is obama, mccain, clinton. obama's on top because if anyone is going to give the US the self-kick in the ass that we so justly deserve, it's him. what's hillary going to do? probably just scold us and then go change her tampon. mccain is 50/50 for me. what's swaying me toward obama is that mccain likes GWB and the iraq war too much. that kinda makes him guilty by association even before the general election. maybe my view will change between now and november
ok, candidates, here's the deal. whichever candidate makes the best and funniest stream of viral internet videos, they'll get my vote. youtube, break, collegehumor, those resources are at your disposal. get to work. do parodies of the dramatic hampster, star wars kid, angry german kid, leroy jenkins, powerthirst, and all those other ones. make me laugh and make me vote for you.
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