today’s rant: moving out in may, originally 3/31/08

yesterday, my landlord informed me that he wanted me to move out 2 months before my lease was due.  on the plus side, i save 2 grand in rent payments.  on the downside, i have to move back to my mom’s house, into one of the rooms that she painted pink.  as if i didn’t act gay enough being in an a cappella group for 4 years with a bunch of guys, now i can add this to my metrosexual resume.  can’t wait to use that as a topic of conversation when i meet girls.

so in about 6 weeks time, i have to empty out the apartment and move all my shit back home.  let me tell you, it’s a lot of shit.  desk, 2 TVS, bookshelf, 2 tables, chairs galore, my hidden stash of porn (that alone will take up at least half the truck, you can never have too much porn), clothes, appliances, the list goes on.  i wish i could just take one of those white u-haul vans that look like the safe haven for pedophiles, but i have to cough up the extra money for a truck.  then i gotta buy plastic drop cloths at home depot to cover my shit in the truck.  i don’t trust the truck floor for a minute.  who knows what kinds of skeevy DNA are crawling on the floor.  ladies, don’t sit on the floor of those trucks or you may end up pregnant.

hauling my shit home in a truck is going to be a bitch and a half.  the main reason is that there are only two main commercial roads that i can take.  one of them is right near me, but with all the red lights, aids will be cured by the time i get home.  the other road is 10 miles north, but moves much faster.  that is probably my best bet.

random idea:  if i ever meet billy ray cyrus, i’d like to ask him the following question:  "how do you feel knowing that there’s some sick bastard somewhere in the world that wants to fuck your daughter while she’s in her hannah montana costume?"  c’mon.  there are parents that lie, cheat, and steal to get concert tickets for her, so you know that there are a few psychos out there that would get no better pleasure than skinning her, tucking their sack back between their legs, and wearing her skin as a costume a la "silence of the lambs".  i’m not condoning it, i’m just pointing out the possibility.