today's rant: superficiality, fortune cookie, originally 9/21/06

it sucks.  that's the only introduction i can think of.  it sucks.  i have no set argument, merely a list of observations i find unnecessary.

airbrushing - from ad modeling to porn, i don't see the need for airbrushing.  don't get me wrong, makeup helps.  i've seen jenna jameson's face in movies and pics of her at home.  big fucking difference.  but that's all i need.  the last thing i think about is "*gasp*, there's one blemish on her arm that ruins her entire look".  give me a fucking break.  a guy's eyes go face-chest-face, that's it.  we don't care what the girl is wearing, if anything.  so there's no need for makeup anywhere else.

plastic surgery - i'll concede to this:  if a girl is insecure about her looks and wants to get them fixed, ok.  that's their business.  whatever makes them happy, but remember this:  there is a such thing as going to far.  guys have 2 modes of thinking:  with our heads and with our dicks, and sometimes they go in two completely different directions.  our dicks think "god, those are huge!!!"  our heads think "god, that's not proportional."  ladies, believe me when i say this:  no matter what a guy says, boobs can be too big.  whenever we say otherwise, that's our dicks talking, and ladies know even more than us that our kibbles 'n bits are not always right.  please keep everything in proportion.

weight - just as there is a such thing as boobs that are too big, there is a such thing as being too thin.  the difference is that guys get confused when they see boobs that are too big for a girl's body, but we get nauseated when we see little marionette stick figures walking around.  consider this metaphor for a minute.  have you ever eaten fat-free cake or cookies?  they're disgusting!

just to reiterate, guys do not want to date 75 lb. girls with makeup running down their legs and 42EE tits.

i'll close with something that happened to me yesterday.  after eating chinese food, i cracked open my fortune cookie.  the fortune read " A healthy body will benefit you forever."  i looked at the fortune, looked down at my gut, then called the waitress over and said "i think you gave me the wrong cookie."  then i turned over the fortune for the "Lotto Six #'s":  8, 9, 10, 5, 23, 74.  wait a minute...74?  how the fuck is that possible?  the lotto goes up to 59!  ok.  first they ridicule my weight, then they act like i can't count.  i bid the restaurant a fond "fuck you" never to return.